He grows a size in a month; he is moody, aloof and sarcastic; he wears strange clothes; he hangs out with an annoying gang... so you may ask: "where is the kid I used to know?" - Well, the answer is just one word: adolescence... This is a very important stage in our lives​, still, ​people usually do not have enough information on it. I am often asked by parents "what should I do with my teenage kid?", and it usually turns out that these parents have no clue about the physical and mental changes and challenges their children are facing during these years. Having two adolescent sons, I wish to give an insight into​ this transitional period with this series.

What age is an adolescent?

Adolescence is one of the novelties of our modern age. 200 years ago, there wasn't such a period, as a 15-year-old was considered as an adult and became a legitimate member of society. Nowadays we address the transitional stage between puberty and adulthood as adolescence and we usually further divide it into three sub-stages:

• early adolescence (ages from eleven to fourteen)
• middle adolescence (ages from fifteen to seventeen)
• and late adolescence (ages from eighteen to twenty-one).

The end is not clearly defined; some proceed​ from this stage earlier, others may remain in it for longer (just think of the elderly rockers, they are still adolescents in the ​heart).

One major characteristic​ of adolescence is that you cannot define it exactly by age. There are debates nowadays that the age limits are not appropriate because today kids' physical development is faster, but socially they remain dependent to their parents for longer., therefore many suggest that ages of 10-24 years are a better fit to define adolescence.

Changes everywhere

It is better to define adolescence with the tons of social, physiological and psychological changes that take place during​ this period. Let' summarize these to continue with.

Search for identity and ideals

A quest for identity is a very important task of teenagers. This is the age when parents' opinion, values, advice become less important than those of the peer group. They are looking for their place in their closer and wider social environment. This is usually marked by re-evaluating close relationships and changing attitude towards authority. This is a very conflictful period usually. There are many ways they can show this struggle (based on Parrott):

1. Status symbols - When your kid will try to convince you that a certain mobile phone or a speaker is an absolute necessity, just think about these lines... Status symbols are usually used by those needing a boost in their identity. Adolescents are a typical example here. They have certain objects that show prestige in their peer groups and possessing these help them to express their connection to these groups.

2. Rebelling and forbidden behaviors​ - Teenagers enjoy showing that they are "big boys", for example​, ​ they consume alcohol or try smoking. These sort of behaviors usually bring recognition in their peer groups. They engage in debates with their parents about it - this rebelling behavior show that they started separating from the parents, they differentiate themselves from them and identify with peers.

3. Idols - As part of searching for their identity, teenagers choose role models for themselves. At this point they usually pick a celebrity (a musician, an actor, a reality show character, etc.), they often change these role models, as they are experimenting with different styles and roles. Peer groups again are very important in this process.

4. Cliques - Another aspect of the search for identity is the intolerance they show for others. Cliques are formed and re-formed based on similar characteristics and values. Teens tend to look for matching characteristics and exclude others with unattractive or incompatible features - which is quite a harm for the excluded.

Emotional instability

A teenager's brain is still in the development phase which causes mental and emotional instability. This is what makes them moody, irritable and touchy. Sensitivity to dopamine and oxytocin increases (these hormones influence empathy and the brain's reward systems), therefore sensation-seeking and socializing​ behaviors​ will sky-rocket. This is the time when your kid is urged to participate in all parties and have fun everywhere.

Emotional and physical detachment from parents

This is one of the most important tasks of adolescence. They have a "built-in" urge to become independent from the parents and the more you hold them back, the more intensive this urge becomes. So all you can do about it is accepting. According to Pickhardt, here is what you can do to help your teen in this process:

• Accept that you will be less informed and less in charge, he won't share you everything, respect his autonomy in deciding what to tell you, and let him ​make his own independent decisions or choices.
• Do not want him to be "just like you" - he is not a "Mini-Me", but an individual person who is just trying to detach. And yes, in this process he will look for differences - the good news is that after a successful detachment, he will find his way back to you.
• Don't force him to spend time with you. Accept that he will spend more time with his friends, that's quite natural at his age.
• Accept that you will face more opposition and conflicts, this is again part of the detachment process, and as such is quite natural.

Increasing sexual drive and bodily changes

Due to hormonal changes adolescents become more interested in sex, they are sometimes afraid or shy about these changes, but it is absolutely normal in their development. A lot depends again ont he peer group, what customs do they have, what behaviours are accepted, etc. Teens need to accept the changes in their body and be confident as they start to be interested in the other sex and start dating.

For some, dating is embarassing, in this case we can encourage them to be friends first, and after they were successful in a few conversations and non-romantic programs, they might want to try moving a step ahead.

Achieving sexual maturity, which means proper sexual life with a responsibly chosen partner is another important milestone that marks the end of adolescence (today this is not necessarily mean a heterosexual relationship). Parents can help in this process with open communication about sexuality early enough (after a while it is too late, because your teen will rather discuss "hot" issues with peers).

An important bodily change is teenager fatigue, your kid seems to be tired all day and can't get out of bed. This is again due to the biological changes. There is a biologic shift in their body clock: their natural sleep period is shifting later, meaning that their bodies want to go to sleep later and get up later. Unfortunately, the school system is not designed like that...

Stay tuned! I plan to continue... :-)

Literature used

1. Parrot, L.(2012): Parenting Your Teenager, Right Now Media
2. Pickhardt, Carl (2013): Surviving Your Child's Adolescence, Wiley
3. Sawyer, Susan M et al. (2018): The age of adolescence, The Lancet Child & Adolescent Health (downloadable at: http://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanchi/article/PIIS2352-4642(18)30022-1/fulltext)
4. https://drcraigcanapari.com/the-sleepy-teenager/

Sources of pictures

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