You Cannot Control Other People's Acts - Real Life Lesson for My 7 Year Old
I have come across this quote a couple different times in the past few weeks. I really like the meaning, and it's something I am trying my hardest right now to live by.
I have had a few stressful situations with other people that I chose to really let get to me, raising my anxiety and blood pressure. Once I calmed down, however, I realized these people were not worth the time and energy I spent being so upset!
The perfect opportunity to teach my 7 year old son this quote and its meaning presented itself this afternoon. He came home from school and told me how he didn't like something a classmate (we will call him "Sam") had said.
My son said they were each playing a learning game on the computers in their classroom. The computers are lined up on a table on one side of the room, so they were sitting side by side, chatting as they played.
Part of the game involves buying items with coins you collect while completing the game's learning activities. My son told Sam that he had just purchased the doctor's coat in the game...to which Sam replied, "that's disgusting!"
My son, the ever-so-sensitive child he is, was hurt. He felt that Sam was calling doctors disgusting because they wear those coats. And his brain also made the jump to think that Sam was also calling nurses disgusting because they work with doctors and sometimes wear similar coats.
And since my mother is a registered nurse, my kiddo linked today's conversation to the idea that Sam thought his "Nana" was disgusting.
Little sidenote: I don't think Sam is a bully or was trying to be mean really. He is friends with my son. He's just a 7 year old that probably spouted off the first word he thought of...maybe even because my son had bought the doctor's coat in the game and Sam didn't yet have the coins to purchase it.
Rather than downplaying his thought process, however, I simply sat my 7 year old down and explained the quote I started this post with. I recited the quote and then explained it's meaning in a way he could understand. That sometimes, other children - or even adults - may say things he doesn't like...or that even hurt his feelings.
And that he cannot control what comes out of their mouths. BUT he can control how he reacts to it. He can allow himself to become mad, or he can just brush it off as "whatever." I explained that in this case, Sam calling a doctor's coat "disgusting" was just his opinion. And that while we can't stop Sam from saying things like that, my 7 year old CAN decide how he wants to react to what the boy says.
I also told him that reacting with anger lets Sam "steal" his happiness. And that most comments and opinions from other people are NOT worth our happiness! If we can learn to just brush off the mean, negative, or hurtful things said to us, we can continue being happy.
In the end, my son decided that it wasn't really worth getting upset over. That Sam's words didn't really matter, and that it's just his opinion and not a fact...and because my son knows that doctor's coats, doctors, or his Nana are not disgusting.
Hopefully, my child remembers this quote moving forward in life. He takes a lot of what is said to him to heart, and I hope to teach him that not everything is worth the stress. Gently helping him learn that he needs to brush off the negative remarks some people make to him...since they are usually not worth the reaction and attention anyway!
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Kids can be the conquest but also the cruelest around, the quote so was so apt for this situation and great you could sit and talk it through with your son
Kids can sat cruel things to each other without realizing the impact of their words. Nice you took time with your son to talk about this.
This is such an important thing to learn in life. We think that our lives would be better if we could control others, but I think our lives are better when we don't concern ourselves with the actions of others. I wish I had learned this when I was seven!
Thanks for sharing!
You're a good mom :) @keciah... start 'em young. Kids do say the darnest things sometimes. Kinda unfiltered.
Thanks for sharing @keciah! Some people are just full of negativity, but yeah, that does not mean we have to be affected by how they feel or what they say/do to us.
My grandfather always used to tell me that other peoples opinions of me where none of my business.
And I once hear the waste of energy from getting angry at others described in terms of wasting half your day being furious about being cut of in traffic by some reckless driver when the chances are they probably have no idea they cut you of and are probably enjoying their morning coffee and donut.
Such a great quote, and something that everyone should try to live by. I have a four year old, and know all too well that kids that blurt stuff out without realizing (or caring) what they're saying - kids in particular really have such a wide range of experience and stages of development, it's hard to know what connections will be made with any one comment or word.
Another piece of this I find, is learning not to take things personally. If you can learn to distinguish when something said is actually about YOU and when something actually has nothing to do with you, then your happiness is really boosted!
^^ I love this - I'm going to steal that for when I have this conversation with my kid :)
THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT LIFE LESSONS YOU'VE TAUGHT YOUR SON. I can go as far as saying that you have handed him the keys to happiness and avoidance of unnecessary heartache and headaches. I try to live by that quote on a daily basis.
I love how you interact with your son whenever he has issues. You are building up a strong pillar of society, a real man.
YOU'RE A GREAT MOM.
That's really good advice, I frequently tell my 4 year old and students that too. It helps them take ownership of the situation instead of just blaming others for what happened to them
It is very difficult letting go of anger. I still struggle with it too, it's so easy to let people make us mad. But anger is an unhealthy emotion. I have gotten much better at letting things go quickly, but it's really a challenge to not let anything anger you at all.