Digital Parenting Tips: The Wrong Practices

Teenagers and Adult Parents perceive Technology in different ways, so we adults often make wrong moves while having good intentions.
Here I explain how.

Complaining about how they use these tools

As teens use online tools to redefine their Identity, at the point that they become their Identity, then complaining about how they use them means complaining about themselves.
It’s the same as we tell them they’re wrong: we attack their Personality, their Inner Self.

Cutting off Internet or Taking away the smartphone

Internet is not the cause: it’s a tool by which our teens connect to the World and redefine themselves.
So if we take away the smartphone from a teen, then we subtract not just his main communication tool, but also a tool he uses to belong to his group.
Taking their smartphones would make our sons to feel isolated.
Many teens are aware of the side effects of the misuse of the smartphones, but the need for connection is stronger.

Letting go (permissive parenting style)

We usually talk about narcissism: parents have so much fear to feel inappropriate that they leave their sons do whatever they want, in order to not let their teens complain about them.
These parents fear to appear inappropriate parents to themselves, so they act in order to conferm the image of the best parents.Obviously this is a lie: parents don’t have to please their sons all the time…

Digital Parenting Tips: The Good Practices

After having checked the wrong practices, let’s see how we should deal with the Web and how to manage our kids.

Provide alternative activities

Let’s say: though the Web is a great thing (and it’s the World our teens are going to live in), there is always a real World they have to learn to live in and to deal with.
But how can we make our sons to pay attention to the real world?
It’s very simple: by making their attention to move from the online to the offline…If they want to use their smartphones during offline activities then it’s right, but they have to learn the right balance.
They have to learn how to focus on one thing at a time.Maybe you fear your son wouldn’t listen to you?
You shouldn’t for they usually feel pushed by this overhelming practice and are aware of it!

(via http://www.stageoflife.com/Default.aspx?tabid=72&g=posts&t=2475)

Maybe they’ll resist at the beginning: this happens because they acquired this automatism.
That’s why they need a strong alternative to break this habit, and only another person who’s out of this pattern is able to accomplish the goal.
This person may be you…

Respect their private space

Do you remember when you were young and used to go to parties?
What if you’ve had found your parents there?
So why should you invade your son’s virtual space?
We’ll talk about trust soon…

The contract

“Verba volant, scripta manent” an ancient latin sentence that means “Spoken words fly away, written words are permanent”.
Teens have the habit to live in their fantasies, so written words help them to stay focused in this Reality.
They give a real nature to something abstract…even an agreement.The contract helps our sons to trust you because you send the message “I think you’re adult enough to understand it”, “I’m sure you’ll respect the agreement”, “I won’t trick you”.
Obviously it has to be negotiated between the teen and the parent.Remember it’s a 2-way contract, so you are asked to follow it too!

Help them to learn to feel themselves

Facing and coping with risk is important, but first we need our teens to be aware of these risks.
They live always on the run, in a World that asks them to be faster and faster.
This prevents them to take the time to feel themselves, so they aren’t able to feel the risks they are living.

( http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20980713 )

We are the adults, and as such we have to be the strong pillar in a more and more liquid World, a pillar our kids can rely to…always.

What do you think about it?

Have you got other mistakes and best practices?

Let's talk in the comments, and please upvote!

You find the whole collection of the Listen to me: Digital Parenting done right articles HERE.