RE: What an irony! People change all time; yet, you can’t ask them to change.
this is very helpful. Thank you
Jim Kwik - a very nice man who teaches about memory said something that I fail to embody.
"people need to understand that you care, before they care what you understand". Yet if we show we care because we "need" to feel understood - that would be trading rather than giving.
I observe in myself that the need to control arises out of my own fear, or at best my inability to really appreciate the people around me as they currently are.
Do I really think I can improve the whole world from a place of not accepting it?
Without acceptance, can there be understanding?
what a delicious and insidious game this thinking is, yet it always leaves me with a bad taste - always leads me back to control rather than flow.
humour is my new best friend for my addiction to words is so ironic
Trading is when you fake care in order to be understood, and it doesn't take long before other discover it. The question is; if you don't care about someone why would you want him to understand you ??????? :)
That is a great question, I guess there are layers of motivations.
For instance I might start out genuinely wanting to explain something that could help someone with a problem they are suffering from.
Then during in the explanation, I run into a strong belief they have and they get upset.
At that moment, I realise that I truly wanted to help, and still do.
I also realise that I had not actually been asked for advice
I had just started to insert it into the conversation.
Underneath the sharing of information is the "need" to share
So it is not clear which one is dominant, the need to share or the care
Both are present even if I am not
That is the answer right there I guess
If I am deeply present, I will feel inside of myself - am I accepting all the minor tensions in my body right now or am I "talking" or writing to distract myself from them?
Both the care to offer change and the need to feel validated are real - which one is dominant depends on the beliefs I have that I have not been able to "dis-charge"
Thanks Alignment - you are pertinent and succinct as ever :)
You are clever watching yourself and analyzing your thoughts and emotions. which are very good actually.
Suffering is not enough for someone to listen to you. you actually need to be asked for advice.
When he feels upset. is it because of your intrusion or not understanding his situation completely or trying to force your answer??????????
you shouldn't distract yourself from your tensions. accept them let them be there.
Others are not sinks to be responsible for your discharge.
be self-validated.
caring doesn't mean forcing, intruding, it means unconditional love.
You are welcome dear friend :)
yes
this is why I must do the work
the dis recognition and dis-charge
not just write about it
Thank you for your thoughtful and deeply honest reply
friends are the real wealth, I am honoured to be called such and accept gratefully :)