RE: MEDIATION - PART ONE: The art of listening
Thank you a lot, @huma-nya-ature.
I was happy to read that you considered that the feeling of being understood is one of the most significant aspects of a mediation. Your question I can answer in two ways, depending on what it is aiming for:
Do you consider preventing a fight? Like, for example, negotiation about child custody which the parents assume will be difficult and therefore should take place in moderation? That would not be exactly a mediation but a smart start before fronts are going to harden.
A scenario where the conflict had come to a point where negotiations between the participants are at a dead end and they are in danger to go to court, for example.
The best way of bringing up the topic is to paint calmly the possible realistic consequences like if there is no success in coming to an agreement either the conflict gets worse and a lot of energy and money is going to be spent for lawyers and all that is connected to a court process. Another consequence could be - without mediation and without legal steps - that the process of separation and what comes after will go a destructive way and will involve and affect not only the child but also other members of the system.
When we compare the importance of the consequences (and the probability that they will be bad) I wonder sometimes why divorcing parents think they could manage the separation all by themselves.
To give a ridiculous but impressive comparison it is as if you were going to register as a team for a marathon and forget that you need a lot of physical and mental training to master this difficult course. So unprepared, no one would even consider such a run. And if they do, it is not particularly realistic to succeed in it. Separating parents sometimes pay too little attention to the fact that they are no longer lovers, but still parents and therefore still a team, even if in separate rooms.
I hope this answer serves you?
P.S. if it is not about children but about saving a relationship, it wouldn't be a mediation but normal couple-consulting.
Greatly appreciate you comprehensive answer, @erh.germany! Your example is so spot on! I witness so often how we neglect or even dismiss developing our communication skills because we assume that the simple fact that we communicate all day long makes us master-communicators. My question was aimed at couples without children but I can still extract a lot of useful tips from your answer. Appealing to the univarsal instinct of avoiding harm for both parties in a calm, peaceful manner seems a really great, blame-free strategy.