Today’s lesson: Why some people always seem to be angry?

Introduction

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Being angry from time to time is completely normal. Anger is a natural feeling, however, it is not healthy to be angry all day every day. This permanent rage produces much suffering in ourselves.

When we have most of our time being wasted because we are immersed in a dynamic full of anger that doesn’t have a logical and specific justification, we are wasting our energy in something that is not just totally unproductive in the present, but it can also start to reduce the quality of our social relationships and can become a burden to maintain smooth interactions with our friends and family.

Showing a positive attitude in the form of a smile, or casually telling jokes, is always useful when we need to “break the ice” in a social setting. But if people feel like being angry all the time, or at least most of the time, doing that might be more difficult because being angry is related to negative things, and this feeling will always reflect itself in the person no matter what. We can always sense if the person with whom we are talking has a positive or a negative attitude.

But of course, there are more things to discuss regarding this issue.

Why does this happen?

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Anger is a negative feeling state that is typically associated with hostile thoughts, physiological arousal and maladaptive behaviors. | Source

Our mood offers us information about ourselves and having a constant feeling of anger is clearly a symptom of unhappiness and deep sadness. Anger in essence, shows there is a difference between people’s expectations and how things are in reality.

The worst anger is probably the one people feel with themselves, because it has its origin in the disgust they have with themselves for not facing changes in their life and remain stuck at a certain point they don’t like. Anger is a reflection of suppressed and silenced illusions.

Most of our suffering is avoidable. Our emotional and behavioral problems can be resolved. We just have to understand how our psyche works. | Source

Sometimes, there is kind of a parallel reality, one that is developing externally and happens in the present time. And another one, which happens in the mind of someone who, before anything has happened, has already made an interpretation of how the other person should behave based on their own criteria and expectations. Therefore, a person gets angry with others without motives, when he tends to interpret their answers and reactions from his own judgment of how he thinks things should be.

anger is an important problem in its own right with negative consequences in many aspects of life such as marriages, the workplace, parent-child interactions and driving behavior. Anger is associated with interpersonal conflicts, negative evaluations by others, erratic driving, property destruction, occupational maladjustment, inappropriate risk taking, accidents, substance abuse and so-called crimes of passion. | Source

Both in social relationships, as in pretty much every other aspect of life, when we have anticipated conclusions of the immediate future, we run the risk of getting frustrated in a considerable proportion of the situations we face, simply because there are many elements that are outside our control. When people get angry for no reason, they experience this discomfort, because they don’t accept how things are, this is the essence of their suffering.

That is, in this type of situation, people might forget that each person has their own point of view and their own subjective interpretation of things. However, when people get angry constantly without a proper reason, they are giving more importance and more value to their own vision of things, without taking others into account, they behave as if they had the absolute truth or as if the others were mistaken for not responding exactly based on their criteria.

Another reason why people might get angry for no reason is because of their way of behaving and how they react when engaging with others are closely related to how they feel about themselves.

Anger can also be produced through past memories and future expectations. Often we hold the anger in, and that of course is unhealthy for our mind and body. | Source

When people feel anger inside them for something that makes them incapable of forgiving themselves or for some situation they aren’t enjoying, but cannot do anything to change it, then this feeling of disappointment and frustration can be clearly noticed because of the recurrent anger they project in others, anger that has its root in that inner wound that produces vulnerability. Just as joy causes us to smile and even make others feel good, on the contrary, inner misery produces a personal dissatisfaction that can manifest itself through unproductive anger.

Some of the signs of people suffering from constant anger are the following:

• Persistent feelings of frustration toward oneself or others.
• An inability to enjoy life or the company of others.
• A hot temper or a tendency to yell or argue with others.
• Physical signs such as headaches, rapid breathing, or a pounding heart. | Source

Handling the constant anger

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Even though people can experience explosions of anger in specific situations, along with that discomfort there is a deeper pain. And it is that pain, the one that people have to attend to. Sometimes, this discomfort can also be related to a state of unresolved guilt for some mistake from the past.

The underlying anger must be consciously acknowledged, accepted, understood and its indestructibly dynamic energy redirected into some positive or creative activity. | Source

When people are always angry they will express it with individuals who do not deserve that treatment, and they shouldn’t forget that just as they have difficulties, the same happens with every other person. Life is not perfect for anyone.

Therefore, it is very important for these people to become aware of how this attitude makes them unhappy because a person does not change until they really make a commitment with themselves and with the goals of doing the necessary reflections in order to fix their particular situation.

People going through this are faced with the challenge of analyzing what is happening at their emotional level to have these disproportionate responses that are diluting their time and energy on a constant basis.

Many people think that anger management is about learning to suppress your anger. But never getting angry is not a good goal. Anger is normal, and it will come out regardless of how hard you try to tamp it down. The true goal of anger management isn’t to suppress feelings of anger but rather to understand the message behind the emotion and express it in a healthy way without losing control. | Source

When people enter a state of chronic anger, they may feel overwhelmed by that negative energy which can lead them to a point of disillusionment. However, it would be wise that from a more conscious point of view, to start doing reflections on whether they really want to continue in the same way or if instead, they want to give themselves the opportunity to live a life in which their energy is concentrated in a more productive way. No one likes being angry all the time, that is no way to properly enjoy life and it is counterproductive when it comes to achieving personal goals.

Anger damages people’s personal relationships by allowing new conflicts to take place, generates a constant dose of stress, affects people’s self-esteem, among other negative consequences, therefore, people should try to adopt a new way of thinking when facing conflicts that can affect them.

Conclusion

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People can always control their emotions if they really put enough effort into it. Anger is not an exception, and given its potential destructive impact in people's lives, it is something that everyone should have under proper control.

How many examples we have seen of individuals committing huge mistakes because of a temporary anger burst? Now imagine if someone suffered from a constant state of anger? The amount of mistakes that person would make because of it could be huge.

Besides, one of the most powerful reasons we can find to justify our reason to live, is to be happy, so since being constantly angry is something incompatible with happiness, these problem could in the most extreme cases end up causing an existential crisis in the person.

This is why approaching any emotional imbalance will always be important in order for our lives to be enjoyable.

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Have you ever felt angry without any justification whatsoever?