(1) Toxic shame/ guilt:Toxic Shame is a neurotic, irrational feeling of worthlessness, humiliation, self loathing and paralysing feeling that has been inflicted onto an individual through repeated, traumatic experiences often, but not always, rooted in childhood.
This is one of tbe first things i thought listening to you. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure it out also. Above is the bare bones definition of it. I grew up in a very similar environment as what you described. Eerily similar. Its wreaked havoc on My life. However. One thing I've started doing is the radical acceptance of my past. Its helped me move Away from that largely irrational mindset. What we Are doing with this, is instead of setting the record straight as we think we are, we are instead coming up with these neurotic, irrational things, presenting them to those closest to us. In your heart of hearts you know that acknowledging you looked at a pretty girl is not wrong. even in your video you said, and I paraohrase "then they think i have feelings for the person if it was such a big deal to bring it up "
Its a forn of self sabotage. It is a self defeating cycle as you are trying to prove that you are unworthy by having these impulsive, highly emotionally charged moments. This is common in people who were traumtixed in the developmental phase. You are almost hoping to find that rejection as a sort of twisted self fulfilling prophecy
its helped me to work on radical acceptance. Its helped me to realize that by self sabotaging in this way ultinatelt is showing i don't love myself enough to cut that shit out. Easier said than done. I still struggle daily. You can Google radical acceptance

(2) Paranoia: being abused by your caretaker as a child causes extreme issues with trust and BIG but irrational feelings of abandonment

(3) Ruled by emotions: as a fellow empath these issues are only made worse as when we are in a "flared up " mode, we are ruled by our emotions. Ultimately we have got to ascertain how we can move, not to state of robotic logic, but in the middle - which is wisdom. The place we want to be sandwiched between being mostly logically minded (Also not healthy) and emotionally ruled. Google "three states of mind "

So hope these ramblings help. Radical acceptance of Mt painful past helps me to realize that the current pepple Ib my life love meand aren't looking at me harshly like those I me past. Not that acceptance is not condonment. It is merely accepting that parts of life will be painful. Accepting that Pain will never complete go away but it Doesnt have to haunt you daily causing irrationality.

If you're interested, i did a blog a few days ago talking a lot about radical acceptance