How Self Sabotaging & Insanity Relate & Their Ugly Twin Narcissism

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a seemingly endless rut of negativity? I know I have. I'm guilty of self sabotage via having negative self fulfilling prophecies about myself, negative self image, or staying in a victim mentality. I am proud to say I mostly broke the cycle of self sabotage in my early 20's. Occasionally my thoughts head in that direction but rarely do I actually stay there, due to grounding techniques, lots of reading, meditative techniques, healthy living, and exercise.

Before I proceed, let me make it clear, if you have been a victim or are one; you are. It's ok to be a victim. It's not okay to take every situation you're unhappy with and take the "victim's road" of self pity and misplacement of blame. Just because you were once a true or still are a victim doesn't give you the right to treat others like garbage.

Your unhappiness with life is usually no one's fault but your own. Not always, as there are few true absolutes, but generally self saboteurs are unhappy of their own accord & want YOU to be "nice" & unhappy right along with them.

Narcissism to a large degree is part of the self sabotaging cycle. Negativity is a magnet that can draw others in. Of course the narcissistic self saboteur loves this, because they can make everyone else just as unhappy as they are. Or, they can at least try.

No one can actually MAKE you truly unhappy unless you let them. I've dealt with manipulative, narcissistic, self sabotaging people my whole life, beginning with good ole' Dad and been in a couple romantic and platonic relationships with these people. I've also dealt with many of them in my profession in physical therapy. If you don't BELIEVE you can or will get better you might not or drastically slow your progress.

It's a fact! That's why I used the above photo (which I took)..... you really shouldn't be believing everything you think especially if you are mentally ill.

My Dad was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive to all four of us kids, I being the oldest got it the worst. I was also sexually abused later in life, not by my Dad.

These types of people are generally highly intelligent in some way and really DO know how to push your buttons. In other ways you will see incredible emotional immaturity.

My Dad was a Bible thumper during part of my upbringing and whenever I DARED remind him of the verse in the Bible that states, "thou shalt not provoke thine children to anger", it was like a double standard for him.

For the record, provoking someone to anger or even irritation purposefully is a nasty form of power play especially the the parental/ child role as the child has no escape.

Self saboteurs often don't believe things will ever get better and that perpetuates a negative & repetitive cycle. It gets to the point it TRULY is an ingrained thought pattern and the only way to break free is to get help. Unfortunately, they are so mentally ill many will not get help or initiate the getting of help.

Some of the more narcissistic types actually take pleasure in getting under your skin. Once they've figured out how to do that, you can expect it on the regular because they will want to cause you to commit a wrongdoing by lashing out at them. As a child this was unacceptable, otherwise I'd get a beating. As an adult, it is apprently unacceptable as well because then the narcissist gets to say "YOU called me a derogatory thing (even if it's true)... how dare you" and such words to that effect.

So take the high road, stay calm and collected. Answer them with undeniable & infallible logic. This will frustrate them. But it's a far better thing to to than stoop to their level.

So let's talk about some signs to be on the lookout for if you're dealing with this kind of person:

1. Denial or rapid change of subject when prevented with FACT
2. Intentional provoking
3. Nothing is EVER their fault, even when it is
4. Fierce self loathing - they hate themselves so they go into a self fulfilling prophecy to TRY and make others hate them to prove in a sick way that they were right.
5. Rarely if ever apologize & if they do it's one of these "I'm sorry BUT....." there's no "buts" in a genuine apology. "Sorry but here's my excuse"... that is NOT an apology.
6. Don't believe things can get better so don't try to improve their situation even when prevented with simple OPTIONS
7. It's their way or the highway
8. Playing dumb..... yes they'll do this to frustrate you into explaining things in different ways many times until they THINK they've found one glint of self contradiction on your part so they get to be right.
9. Topic manipulation
10. Fiercely antagonistic when proven wrong
11. They make you feel physically ill - i.e. insomnia, tension headaches, etc. It can exacerbate pre-existing conditions. If you have or may have a heart condition - stay away!
12. Bringing up the same topic in different ways to try and trip you up.
13. Pretending they are victim to EVERY negative situation when they actually may or may not be.

And here's where insanity kicks in..... they repeat the actions over and over. The actual definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

The saddest part of all is usually these mentally ill people generally have people that deeply care for them like friends, romantic relationships, and family. Pushing others away is a common trait. My Dad did this and then bitched when the kids didn't act happy to see him. Well you just got done tongue lashing or actually lashing us so no we don't wanna "hang", Dad. It is so so so sas especially as the individuals NEED people more than most..... truth is if you work hard enough to push someone away, you will.

It's especially hard on those closest to the self saboteur. I have tried SO hard in the past to help these individuals but guess what? You can't help those who aren't willing to help themselves. You have to to learn to let them go.

Hope this makes sense. As i said this is from years of experience and being 3 credits short of double majoring in psychology helped. Please chime in with your thoughts and comments.

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