Epiphanies on The Run - You Can't Fix People!

Today I ran 6 miles, or just under 10 kilometers. As usual, I gained insight & basically cleared my brain. Unfortunately there was a lot of ice on the street so I had to run on the dreadmill (oh, I mean the treadmill.)

You may be wondering why I used broken glass (image obtained from pixabay) for my cover photo. Let me explain. I have always been a "fixer", or as I would rather prefer to be called a "helper." Often those whose wish to help or "fix" others are broken themselves. I am. I won't lie. That's why I like to run so I can run from my problems, metaphorically speaking.

But this isn't about my problems this is about an important realization I made during my run today.

Of the many struggling people I have tried to help over the years, two of the people are dead - one from suicide the other from an overdose.
At one point, I had myself convinced if I had only tried harder they'd still be here....well, that's simply not true. They did what they did & it woulda happened regardless of anything I coulda said or done.

I inherited the "fixer" gene from my mother who always tried to fix my abusive father growing up - "for the kids" you know. I'm sure for other reasons too. I always used to think he's not gonna change unless he wants to which was true. I would think my mom was wasting her time. Of course that was easy for me to think. I wasn't the fixer in that situation.

Bottom line you can not fix people...you can HELP them and do your best by them. But they have to reach the point they realize their behavior is WRONG or out of line or unhealthy on their own. They may never realize it & that's not on me or you - it's on THEM.

My realization today is this - I will always be there and help people I care for but, I am truly done "fixing" especially after a recent event I am not getting into right now.

When someone you're trying to help doesn't want your help, advice, etc - it is likely they are in a lot of pain or emotional turmoil that don't want you to see or they are just trying to hide it. Your unwanted help pisses them off so they decide they want you to hurt as bad as they are.

It is like walking through shards of glass at that point to help them. It is not worth it. It is simply too painful. If you aren't careful, you'll get a shard stabbed in your heart, like I did. They have to WANT TO help themselves. So, that was my epiphany on the run today. The end.
Thanks for reading my blog.
~ Namaste