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RE: Back to black
It's actually what's know as an orphan chemical. It's related chemical, THC, and source are both illegal, but CBD is not (in the US at least...), allowing it to be sold as a supplement. This may be changing soon, so if it's something you're interested in trying, I'd do it soon, so you can stock up .
Edit- I have a similar cycle of extreme swings. My heart goes out to you, and I hope you're able to find better ways to cope and to continue producing wonderful art.
The thing is - I produce art all the time, it's the only thing that allows me to stop destructive thinking. That's why I post new pictures at least twice a day, and create even more of them that I can't show here because it's work (mostly for yet not published books).
About the pills - I'm really not sure what is it. So I saw cannabis - and automatically thought that it's illegal
as well what is very good for balancing your mood is meditation. Me as well, I always thought it would not be as powerful as it is. But it is very good for killing destructive thinking, it is some kind of "hard" when you begin, but it works and helps,from my experience. There are many guided meditations on youtube where you can begin with, some kind of energy balancing meditation, or what else appeals to you. Another thing is binaural music, as well very powerful...maybe this can relief your inner struggle a little...but you have to try yourself if it helps you for your life, if you do so, please let me know if it worked for you as i am curious if it´s only subjective how these things work for me (but there is yet scientific proof that both things change your brain structure ;)
I wish I had a dollar every time someone tells me about meditation:(
did you try?
Yes
hmm, maybe a shaman can give you better advice, really, I believe those are the only persons knowing how to deal with these strange behaviors of the human brain....hope you can find a way to relief yourself somehow
Just don't laugh now, OK? I started from some kind of a shaman. And ran away during his attempts to get "evil spirits" away from me. In my country such people are good only at taking money away from customers
then maybe he was no shaman, real shamans don´t even take money for healing, but as well I think it´s really hard to find a real and good one. Where do you come from?
or just paint and draw away the pain, seems to help you ;) maybe its the source trying to speak through you that way, you have really great drawings!!
Thank you!:) Yes, that's the only thing that really helps. And my dog
:)