Magical World #17: Living someone else's life for a few days a week

Opposite worlds

This past year I've found myself very closely involved with a lovely family with 4 kids. I've spent a decent amount of time with them, four days a week or more for almost every week of the year - which means I get to know these people well and get to have a look at what their lives are like. The reason I get to be close is my responsibility in helping out with taking care of the children. And it is actually one of the aspects that I feel make my time with them so fascinating: I get to be in the middle of people's lives, in a way that I think most people don't even experience with their closest friends or family. At all times of the day, in so many different circumstances, when they're tired from work or school or when they're all fired up to go and do something fun. And the most interesting part is that these people have such different lives from mine.

With family you'll share so much background, with friends you probably have some overlap in interests or life circumstances. But with these people who I've gotten very close with, our lives are very, very opposite. Which sometimes leads to very interesting reflections on what life is and can be, and what is most valuable about the time we have.

The family's puppy and three of the kids

A bit about where I come from

To give you an idea about how our lives are different, let me tell you a bit about the choices I made in life. I did my studies, Organisational Science and Governance, at the University of Utrecht, where I also met my husband. We presented our thesis on the same date in February 2012, then left for a three month backpacking trip through India. Where we got some answers to some of the questions which seemed most urgent to us. Which meant we wanted more, and after coming back from our trip we started planning for our next visit there. We both picked up the jobs we did during our time at university: working with kids with autism and behavioural problems. So nothing related to our studies. We saved money for an expensive program we wanted to follow and were back in India in 2014, again for three months. This time after we got back we got married, and decided to get started on owning and renting out real estate property and to do that in Rotterdam. We bought our current home in December 2014, spent the first half of 2015 on renovating the place, then in September 2015 decided to go to India again and stayed for one and a half years that time, before heading back.

That's a lot of numbers and dates. Let's put it more simply:

1. In my life, I did not put my career first. I finished university, but never made it a priority to find a job that fit my degree. I've always thoroughly enjoyed the jobs I was in. They often involved being outdoors a lot and having a lot of freedom to arrange my time the way I wanted.
2. I also did not prioritise family, or friends. When we left for India, friends and family weren't trying to keep us from going, but there also wasn't a lot of support for our plans. I think people were concerned we were throwing away our lives, or maybe just disappointed to see us leaving. Going anyways has definitely been a very liberating moment in my life - deciding not to live up to people's expectations but doing what I want with my life.
3. For me, priorities are health and clarity and being balanced, as a basis for living happily and successfully. And my goals will always be related to developing awareness, higher consciousness. To find and live the answers that make most sense to me, in regard to the biggest questions of life.

That's me in full India looks, somewhere in 2015. We stayed at a Shaivite ashram, so wearing the traditional sacred ash and the kumkum on my forehead and the rudraksh mala around my neck. Even had the Shiva jattas, the dreadlocks like Lord Shiva has them. Hindu spirituality is the fulltime, all in lifestyle kind.

A bit about the family

We decided to come back to Netherlands, and while I was looking around for what to do, I found this family in Kralingen, an expensive neighbourhood in Rotterdam. Why they need a nanny? Both parents have tough career jobs, dad being a partner in one of Rotterdam's most prestigious law firms, and mom a notary. She doesn't work on Mondays, the only week day I don't show up, but still manages to make workweeks of 40 to 60 hours. The dad often leaves home at 7 in the morning and comes home late at night, often works and/or travels on the weekends.

The home they switched to last year is simply huge. It's the largest house I've ever been to, and very stylishly decorated by an interior designer. It also requires a lot of care and maintenance. They have four children, all under 10 and the youngest being 4, and now a puppy dog. All four kids do sports, and are on different teams. During the week and also the weekends, there is this crazy schedule for getting all of them at the right place all the time. And since the dog joined, there's a schedule for her too of course. Not that they're all that much into scheduling - things tend to move rather organically (chaotically?) most of the time. It just means there is always so. much. to. do.

Ever heard anyone say that having a puppy is like having an extra child? I guess it's kind of true.

In another person's shoes

For me, I've designed my life to be relaxed and exactly the way I love it most. With enough time to do yoga in the morning, play sports (Ultimate Frisbee) on evenings and weekends, to regularly have a morning off together with my husband for drinking coffees or evenings for watching a movie, to have time to visit new places and enjoy my hobbies like photography and Steemit. I know I'm in charge of designing my life, and this is how I love it. Then for those four days a week (some longer some shorter, around 30 hours) I bike over to Kralingen and get to be part of a very hectic and very different kind of life. With different values and different social rules and a different perspective on how life works and what it is for and what makes a day satisfying and fulfilled.

I've added this post to my Magical World series, even though it is a bit different in content from most of those posts. But it fits the topic, because I do really feel privileged with the opportunity I get to 'live other people's lives' for a few days in the week. I'm not from a rich family. I've never had the ambition for a top career, or for having a home like that, or four kids and a dog. But I get to understand what it is like to have a life like that. I think for many of us, we have ideas about what life could possibly be (having more money, a bigger house, a better job). And those ideas sometimes distract us from realising what we already have. They are like the neighbour's greener grass.

The smallest kid helping me to 'walk the dog'

Being part of their lives gives me this very special opportunity of living (partly) a life I did not decide for and will never create for myself - it is not my ambition. But it also cures me of thinking that life could be better if... I had more money, a bigger house, better job etcetera. I've known that, theoretically like, but it has become an experience for me and any desire for that kind of life has been satisfied, without me having to put in all the time and effort of actually making that kind of life my own. That's the magical part of it :).

What matters most

Recently, both parents are facing some issues, health related. For example, the dad visited the doctor this week because of a cough that won't leave, and other symptoms. Turns out he has been having pneumonia for over a month, and also two other serious infections. The doctor urged him to please take rest and stay at home. The next day he left for office at 7 again and came home at 11 in the evening. He takes his medicine, but not rest. To me, this is mind blowing and it literally makes my jaw drop. The parents are really lovely people, very social and good spirited and in between things, we sometimes find time to chat. When I join in on urging them to take rest, they also explain why it is so difficult for them to take a break from work, how the responsibilities are and the expectations at the offices.

During one of our chats, they reflected on how they have seen colleagues burn up their health and get into serious situations because of work related stress. And how any of these people will always tell, in hindsight, that they wished they had spent more time on what really matters. What really matters being family. It's an emphasis on family I see around me a lot. With the people I know in real life, but also in books and films and series. It's an emphasis I don't share. I like the people around me to be happy, like I am happy, and I'll do what I can to contribute to that. But in the end, we die alone. We don't take anything, or anyone - not even family - with us. All we have that continues beyond this short life span is our consciousness, our awareness. And what matters most is how we cultivated that during all our experiences and moments.

At the Maha Kumbh Mela, the world's largest spiritual festival. Ujjain, India, 2016.

Clash

Different lives, different lifestyles, different priorities, right? These people and how they've designed their lives and what matters most to them, very opposite to me, right? And I think that is just why spending time with them, getting to know them very closely, bonding with them, appreciating them, actually growing to love them for who they are and the beauty they carry - why all of that is such a liberating experience. We have different values, such opposite lives, such a different set of priorities and such a different way of working on them.

For me, getting to know these people and loving them all the same, has helped me to get rid of a lot of my judgements. Has eased my opinions about what people should or shouldn't be. With all the differences we carry, there is so much in them that is so similar to me. Appreciating these people, wanting for them what is best for them the way they want it - it is a growing experience where I realise that all duality that life tends to show us is so superficial. That all the differences we experience between ourselves and others are so irrelevant. That on a much more relevant level we are each other's extensions, each other's reflections, that the life in them is the same as the life in me. Which is an understanding I was taught back in India. And still get to practice and understand more and more, while living here. To me, that is magical.

Husband came over to say hi to the baby dog. His hand shows the tattoo we both have - Shiva's trishul, a symbol of Advaitha, oneness, realising all duality is an illusion.

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Magical World Series

This is post #17 in the Magical World Series. With these posts, I hope to add a little happiness and light-heartedness to your day. There is magic in every little corner of the world. And if we share it with each other, it does really brighten up the place!

Earlier posts in this series:

• Archikidz Rotterdam, introducing children to architecture event
• Miniature Dutch country side
• Camping in the Belgian Ardennes
• Chessmen from all around the globe
• Streetart at Noordereiland, Rotterdam
• Visiting Villa Zebra, a museum for kids in Rotterdam

All content is created by me, and Steemit original.