This post is so rich in ideas--there can be no simple (for me) response to it. One of the first things I did when reading was go back to your previous post on the need for approval. Between them, these two blogs can replace months of 'talk therapy'. As is usual with your writing, the individual (I) reflect as reading progresses. I relate your insights to my own life and actions. I see myself, and don't see myself. But in that process of agreeing and differing, I learn.
I thought, as I read this blog, of how I met my husband. It was an odd situation. We were both members of a clearly defined group. We wore distinctive clothing that set us apart from people who were not in our profession. Mostly, our occupational group was tied together by one common purpose--we all needed to make money. That was the single greatest common denominator. Unfortunately, I think this financial need led to a certain amount of corruption. So my clothing and the drive to earn money tied me to the group, but the corruption isolated me. Two very strong, conflicting associations.
My husband joined after I did. He shared the desire to earn money and the requirement to wear a certain kind of clothing. He also had disdain for corruption. Beyond that, I don't think we had very much in common. And yet we were drawn to each other. A very long marriage has resulted.
Over the years, our differences have become a joke- "Of course you don't like it, because I do"--but the bonds have become stronger.
So, in a way, group identification, or failure to identify with a group, became the glue that made a marriage.
There is, of course, so much more, general insight, in your blog, particularly in these days when the inclination to identify with group has led to hyperbolic public discourse. Not just in the US, but also Europe. Tension over group identification is running high these days. We would all do well to try and understand the underpinning of that identification, I think, as we privately find ourselves positioned in these very consequential public dialogues.
You see, nothing simple in my response to this thought-provoking and helpful blog. A most valuable addition to my thought day.
I hope the sun is shining for you, in Portugal. Great affection going your way...❤