Psychology Addict # 42 | Me & The Uber Driver + The Art of Listening

in psychology •  2 months ago

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Years, and years ago during the days I had English lessons, out of the 4 fundamental skills of learning a language, the one I was most fascinated by, to begin with, was listening(with the other 3 being: reading, speaking and writing). Back then, one of my favorite classroom activities was to fill out scattered blank gaps within an article, or a song while listening to its recorded version. I am fascinated by languages and it truly is a great feeling when you can yield a message out of an infinite number of phonemes blurted out by the radio, TV, or another person from a different nationality.

However, the true importance of careful listening only became clear to me, later on in life; when I worked translating English content as a young adult. I didn’t translate anything serious like legal documents. The gigs I got where mainly in the tourism industry. So, sometimes I would have to translate from English, things like: tales, myths or even texts of local history. I then came across translations done by either our friend Google or other people, and began to notice that the ones which were deemed poor, were those that were just a mere sequence of translated words, rather than the translation of the overall meaning, or message.


This is how listening often occurs

Little did I know that I would encounter that sort of poor translation over and over again throughout my life; not only from one language to another, but within the same too. As I went on to learn that true listening is the translation of the words and the emotions of the speaker only. Because from the moment the listener is influenced by his own lexicon of feelings, misunderstanding arises and communication breaks down.

My situation with the Uber driver illustrates this point quite well.

Me & The Uber Driver

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Some weeks ago I needed to be at our local Indian restaurant for a luncheon I was very much looking forward to. I stepped outside and solicited an Uber driver. That would be the fourth time I was going to use Uber. I had nothing bad to say about them. Until that day, whenever I confirmed a trip the driver would scoop me up within a couple of minutes. This one however, just sat there, not moving (as I could see on the app’s map).

After a while I learnt that, due to the waiting time that had passed, if I cancelled that trip I would have to pay a small fee. So, I just stood there and waited until he finally turned up. A Portuguese man in his early 50’s (maybe). “Good afternoon, Mr. Couto (not his real surname)”, I said without a smile. He replied to my greeting. Then, I said gently “Gosh, Mr. Couto, you took so long to pick me up I could not even cancel your service without being charged”. “I was still with my previous client when you solicited the pickup”, he said in unapologetic way. “Why did you accept the job?!”, I enquired amazed. “I am not your private driver” He barked, and proceeded to say loudly: “My ex-wife is Brazilian too, you know, I always have problems with Brazilians”.

It was when Mr. Couto said that, that I understood he was not listening to me. As soon as he heard my “Good afternoon, Mr. Couto”, he heard his ex, his own conclusions about Brazilians, but not me. So, I stopped talking and listening to him, who kept going on and on till the end of the journey. Mr. Couto got himself so worked up he even cancelled the payment. He said he did not need my money. I told him I was glad to see how well he was doing in life to be turning money down like that. Then, he said he had PLENTY of it.

As I left the vehicle I thought to myself “that is perhaps why they say money doesn’t bring happiness.”

Listening is a Difficult Art to Master

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Because listening is a passive skill, the effort it requires is often taken for granted. Or, maybe, even ignored altogether. We live in a time where people have a lot to say all the time; and while there is nothing intrinsically wrong about this, this is something that might be causing us to dismiss the fact that for proper communication to exist we also need to allocate time to make that effort.

We all have pre-conceptions and pre-assumptions about one thing or another (like the ones Mr. Couto has about Brazilians). Oftentimes, during a conversation, they can become very noisy within our heads. Consequently, it becomes quite difficult to disentangle what the speaker is saying from what we already believe in. And this is not something exclusive to heated dialogues. It happens all the time. In friendly conversations, for example, they take the form of “I cannot wait for him/her to stop talking so than I can say what I have to say”. Perhaps, this stems from the fact that as children we are not taught to listen with the same passion and dedication as we are taught to speak.

So, in order to empathically listen to someone we need to mute that noise, to turn our mind into a white canvas, and this is the difficult part of it, the part that requires great effort. When disarmed of our opinions and suggestions we feel vulnerable. We might be left with no answers to deliver. As listeners we often assume the role of ‘answer-givers’, but we seldom reflect on the needs and feelings the speaker attempts to communicate, sometimes, even through questions 1.

“What shall I do?” Asks uncle Martin, who is trying to amend things with his daughter. But, you see, as important as the content of this question, are the behaviour (e.g. reluctance), and the emotions (e.g. love) underlying it. And, as a listener, one needs to take them all into account. After all, for proper understanding to be established, the translation needs to be holistic.

Will You Please Just Listen? :)

Whenever we listen to people we feel tempted to make them see the world either the way we do, or the way we would like them to see it 2. And by following that temptation we will most likely reply to uncle Martin – from before - with an answer that meets our own desires and values. However, part of being a good listener is also in tolerating behaviour and beliefs that are contrary to those we perceive as ‘best’, ‘right’, or ‘appropriate’ 3.That is because in just listening you give the speaker the opportunity to get in touch with himself/herself. Over the course of my adult life I have noticed that people will tell you incredible things if you just listen to them, including their flaws and weaknesses. Sometimes, by being listened to, they even manage to figure things out. Talking is indeed a great way of thinking, and we all need to think 4.

Uncle Martin is a lovely man, but also very stubborn. So, just to inform him that I was with him in the conversation, I just quietly added while handing him a glass of water “uncle, there are many things you can do about this situation. I believe you know each one of them”. “Of course there are many things I can do, he started off irritated”, as uncle Martin numbered all the things he could do I patiently paid attention to him, I did not judge, criticize or evaluate him5. I just sensitively listened. Upon this, he let his guard down. There was no need to be on the defensive anymore. Then, he told me “I should have been more supportive. I didn’t want her to go because I was selfish and didn’t want her away from me. Now, she doesn’t even answer my calls.”

Uncle Martin no longer thought his daughter was being unreasonable for ignoring his calls. He actually thought he would have done the same, “oh, she is so much like me”, he realized with pride as well as with new energy to set things right. All along people were telling him exactly what he told me. But he didn’t listen, because people don’t listen. And because they don’t listen they are not listened to.

Listen to be Listened To

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In the same way that one learns that arrogance is met with arrogance, and anger is met with anger. Empathic listening is also met with empathic listening. Psychologists and negotiators alike get as excited about this as to tell ‘listening is contagious’ 6. It seems like all we have to do is to start! But, uhm, how to listen to others?

Well, if you are a Freud aficionado you can go for the free association method. If your wife, best friend, or sibling likes to talk while lying on a couch and looking at the ceiling. Then, that is definitely the way to fly! Tell them to speak away while their mind wonders. As for you, sitting out of their sight without influencing them with your body language and facial expressions, allowing the speaker to listen to himself/herself, just be a witness to what is being said 😊

But, if like me, you are not a big fan of such a detached approach, in the event of having to listen to someone who is in need of talking. Face them, but not before clearing your mind and leaving your prejudices and assumptions aside. Not before stripping yourself off judgement and opinions 7. Then, simply take the position of a privileged, dedicated translator who has kindly been invited to a very unique foreign world: the other person’s mind.


Reference list:

2,3,4 Mearns, D. and Thorne, B. (2007) Person-centred approach in action, London, Sage.

1,5,6,7 Carl, R. and Richard, E. (1957) Active listening, Chicago, Industrial Relation Center.

Image Source: 1, 2,3, 4, 5, 6.


THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR 'LISTENING' MY DEAR READER ❤😊

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Thank you dear Abi for another wonderful article of yours!

Unfortunately, my view of the world regarding this matter can be described with the following quote:

Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.

Stephen R. Covey

I think is what we have today is too much talking, but almost no or not enough communication. Many people aren't even aware of the difference between the two.

Of course, I can say that during my life I've met very few individuals with whom I managed to establish communication, but in general it is extremely rare.

Although I have absolutely zero knowledge in psychology, I can assume the reason for that are our own insecurities and deceptions we prefer living in, afraid that any solid argument about some matter, or different opinon on something will make our safe bubble burst and we'll remain exposed to something unknown, which we'll have to deal with. And that's just so damn hard for most of the people.

I would of course like very much to hear your opinion about this, as someone who knows much more psychology than I do :)

Lots of love to you! ❤ ❤ ❤

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Hello beautiful @sicenceangel :)

What an extraordinary quote by S. Covey. Thank you for sharing it here with us. It says it all!

Your comment is a very truthful one, and while I believe this is the case for most people

met very few individuals with whom I managed to establish communication
because they don't listen they don't realize this. For example, Jamie Pen-nebaker (a psychologist) carried out a very simple, but incredibly insightful experiment with 300 of his students, who were assigned to small groups and were told they could talk about anything they wanted, for 15 minutes. After that they went back to their seats and reported on the following: how much they talked, how much they liked the group, and how much they learnt from the others.

The findings revealed the most incredible thing:

The people who reported liking their respective groups the most, were the ones that happened to have talked for longer. Not only that, they were the ones who also claimed to have learnt from the other peers the most 😅 ref. Incredible!

As for the explanation you offered (as to why this happens) our insecurities definitely play a huge part in deafening us. It was Carl Rogers who said that one of the most important things to have in order to put empathic listening in action is courage, because when we set ourselves to listen to others in this manner (empathically) we might change as a result, and change is something we are not always prepared to face. So, we keep on clinging to our assumptions and opinions to feel safe and protected.

Much, much love to you always.
Thank you very much for taking the time to discuss this with us here today my dear.
You take care :*

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Hey @scienceangel
Here's a tip for your valuable feedback! @Utopian-io loves and incentivises informative comments.

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I just had a picture of you tuning off that driver while he goes on and on, like a movie scene, I'm sure that was annoying, unfortunately I'm not sure if he understood the lesson there, but I guess it's difficult.
Indeed the art of listening and being objective is tough tough tough ! I know you're such an amazing listener so I salute you my dearest :)
We have a saying in Arabic, God gave us two ears and 1 mouth, to listen twice as much as we speak.
Keep preaching !

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OH! I cannot believe this saying you shared here with me @mcfarhat

God gave us two ears and 1 mouth, to listen twice as much as we speak.

It is extraordinary!! :D THANK YOU for writing it down here my dear. You have a gift for making me smile 😊

Much love to you & the family!

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Good postings now I understand that the hearing process can also influence the behavior, beliefs, opinions, and behavior of others.

When you listen to your interlocutor well, it can make him feel valued and understood. And then, when you give advice and opinions to him, he will accept and apply what you suggest.

Listening can also bring a comfortable atmosphere. Not only listening to music, listening to friends or family stories also makes our lives more colorful, Speakers! It can also make your work and play life balanced.

Just listening sometimes can help our interlocutors, at least make him calm because he can release what he thinks. Before we take action to help, the first step that must be done is to listen to what problems our interlocutors are experiencing. And that's the most important part before helping someone.

And listening can also maintain good relationships. Whatever relationship is carried out, friendship, love, and family, listening is always important so that the relationship with them can always be maintained.

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My dear @jamalgayoni, I am confident to say that out of the many wonderful comments you kindly take the time to leave here on my feed, this is the most beautiful one! Based on the feedback you provided here you displayed I take that you are an excellent listener.

This is a great, great sentence :

. When you listen to your interlocutor well, it can make him feel valued and understood
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Thank you very much for lending more depth to this discussion with this most insightful comment! :)

All the best to you always.

I used to work in a call center company where we talk to Americans, and I think by listening to them every single. Day for. 7 years, give me enough knowledge. To be able to talk in English,

Listening is really important especially to my son, he is a type of kid who don't want to just quite and listen to me when I got mad, especially when he knows he didn't do anything wrong, so as a mom, I need to practice to listen to him first before jumping into any conclusion, that way I would be able to understand his side.

Thank you so much abi.... And sorry again for super late comment

I like to re-read Stephen Covey. He does not say anything new in his books, but he knows how to draw accurate conclusions.
The fifth skill of highly effective people: "Seek first to understand, then to be understood"
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Dear Abigail, I also adore your articles. Write more often.

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Oh! Thank you for taking the times to share this with us here my dear @nsbachurin. How wonderful:

Seeking first to understand, then to be understood

Thank you very much for your kind words. You are always very motivating and encouraging towards my work, and I can only thank you for it!

You take care,
Wishing you all the best and a great weekend! ❀ :)

That was one proud uber driver! Is it possible the Portuguese are even more lax with their time than the Brazilians?! (At least, that's what some articles are saying!)

we all need to think 4

How does that even require a reference 😕

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Why Brazilians Cariocas* are always late? Please ... 😏
*Those originally from Rio de Janeiro.

How does that even require a reference

Probably not, but I am terrified of plagiarizing!! 😆

Thank you for stopping by :)
Have a wonderful week.

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Ah. And what explains it do you think? Cypriots tend to be lax about their time too, so I wonder whether the seaside has something to do with it!

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If I hadn't lived in Chile for nearly 10 years I would definitely put the blame on the sea side. But, the Chileans, have made me reject that hypotheses. Over there, some of them are SO late to the point of not turning up! And before you ask, some will do so without a text or phone call !!

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I don't know whether to laugh or be astonished!!

I love watching people talk about problems and the answers come out of their mouths, around to the ears and bingo 😁

There are people I've really struggled to converse with in the past. When they have finished a vast array of points and there is silence, they will immediately latch onto the first few words of a reply and start again. I find myself withdrawing from these people and conversations very quickly - fighting for airtime is not my thing.

Another fabulous read this Friday afternoon, thank you for sharing your knowledge with us again today @abigail-dantes.

Wishing you a fabulous weekend of sunshine and free taxi rides! 😁

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they will immediately latch onto the first few words of a reply and start again

Gosh Asher, this is SO true. But then again, some people are complex to the point that they don't even know how to be listened to :/

You too have a wonderful weekend filled with sunshine & smiles (and, why not, a free taxi journey too 😛)

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some people are complex to the point that they don't even know how to be listened to

I had to read this a couple of time and have a good think!

What is causing this phenomenon I wonder? Are they not expecting the person in front of them to heed their words? Low self-worth, a mind too busy with thoughts and no space to take on new ideas?

This sounds very troublesome to me. :(

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Oh Asher, you are a thinker! 😊

a mind too busy with thoughts and no space to take on new ideas?

This could be the case of individuals who rate high on neuroticism (one of the Big Five personality traits), or ruminators.

Are they not expecting the person in front of them to heed their words?

This might apply to people who are frightened to get in touch with themselves; being listened to, perhaps, makes their anxious, intrusive thoughts even louder.

What is causing this phenomenon I wonder?

From a more generic perspective, I believe that, people don't know what it is like to be listened to Asher. Imagine someone from their childhood years to their adulthood. How many times in their household, school and relationships proper communication takes place? Not most of the time.

Sadly, I am convinced this is the reality of most people. Back in the day, people had their neighbor from down the road, the best friend from school who still lives in the same town, the priest and so on. As these values and social structures change many other things get lost in the process :/ including the fundamental skills to establish proper communication.

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Thank you for taking the time to provide this additional insight Abigail.

The last point with regards to changing social structures is a worry, and perhaps almost irriversable as we progress into the technological age.

This makes me think about my daughter who as a young child would listen and empathise really well. I hope she can make it though her teenage years with this skill still intact.

Thanks again, I enjoy gaining knowledge and being provoked into thought each week here 😊

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'Fighting for airtime' - I'll remember that one! It's exactly how that feels. It takes a huge chunk of my energy to converse with people like that and I often end up giving up and just 'let them have it' :-)

The Uber experience wasn't that bad if you look at the bright side-a free ride. Presumption mostly trumps other art of communication. Once that preconceived notion sets in, you'd begin to have your biases at the forefront. Listening is almost getting extinct, the mobile phones are hammering the last nail to its coffin. These days most people cannot look away from their phone to understand the next person sitting in front of them.

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Yeah, if I got a free ride and all I had to do was listen to an Uber driver complain during the trip, I'd probably consider that a win :P

Joking aside, great article as always @abigail-dantes

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Hahahahahah You guys are right! 😂 After all I had more money left to spend on beer sparkling water during lunch! :P

Thank you for stopping by dear @tking7798. It is always nice to see you around!

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You are so right Green, despite the awkwardness of the journey, it was a free-ride after all. You have a knack for looking at the bright side of things 😊

Listening is almost getting extinct, the mobile phones are hammering the last nail to its coffin.
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Sad, but SO true! :/

Thank you for stopping by dear Green. Your comments always make me smile :*
All the best to you :)

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Thanks a lot. The bright side makes all the difference :)



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yay! i will not be late on commenting this time , hihi.Hi miss Abi , how are you doing? Hope all is well with you and your hubby and your whole fam. 🙏

First , i was affected while reading what happened to you and Mr. Couto, the uber driver , i understand you both are tired , you tired ofwaitingfor him and he tired of driving , but yeah probably upon listening to your voice and knew you're a Brazilian as he said it ,he remembers his wife , but he didn't listen to you as his customer . Well , here in Philippines sometimes we have no choice but to wait for an available driver to accept our trip booking ,most of the time they accept new booking while still serving another passenger as well, like Mr.Couto

Listening is really very important in all sorts of things , all kind of relationships , teacher to student ,parents to kiddos ,siblings to siblings , etc. it'sthe only way you would understand the other person and the real message . What if everybody keeps talking and talking , it's definitely going to be a rumble, LOL , listen to learn ,listen to undestand and listen to love and ve loved.

Thanks for anotherworth reading post miss @abigail-dantes and thanks for unending support for me my sistah and the minis
we love you much! God bless you more and more ❤️❤️❤️😘

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Ahahahaha You are never late @zephalexia. Seein your comment on my feed makes me smile anytime ❤️ :)

Yes, it was a peculiar experience indeed. Mr. Couto got himself very frustrated and I couldn't believe it ! But, like many of my readers have been suggesting me: I have to look at the bright side, I got a free taxi-journey :P

listen to learn ,listen to undestand and listen to love and ve loved.

Absolutely my dear!

Thank you for stopping by once again. Your support means a lot to me. 😘

Ps: I hope your dad is 100% again! :)

I was all EARS. :)

I find this article of yours very very helpful.

Empathic listening is nowadays something really special as we are "forced" to listen to an overwhelmingly amount of words - Information/Communication Age we call it. It makes us also very talkative. Sometimes to an extent we call it "cacophony".

In order to listen actively I would add as a result of this active listening, much more interesting questions can be formed to one another. I hope you don't mind me adding one of my older articles as it fits the topic:

https://steemit.com/steemstem/@erh.germany/the-art-of-irritating-good-questioning-and-becoming-a-creative-interviewer?sort=new

(it was actually really hard to find it ... what's wrong with the blockchain?)

HeHe, and I am also more a fan of an attached instead of a detached approach when listening. Though this could be discussed - balancing attachment and detachment - in a whole other article philosophically:)

Sending love, 😘
Erika :)

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You always are all ears Erika :)

Yes, the balance between 'attached and detached' listening could yield an interesting discussion, for sure!

Ps: Of course I don't mind you sharing your links here!!

Have a wonderful week ahead 😘

@abigail-dantes

Great discourse on art of listening. Not all who claims to be listening are doing so, one maybe listening absentmindedly and won't get any anything at the end..

In the same way that one learns that arrogance is met with arrogance, and anger is met with anger. Empathic listening is also met with empathic listening. Psychologists and negotiators alike get as excited about this as to tell ‘listening is contagious

Simple and short. Sometimes life is all about reciprocity. If you want to be listened to, learn to listen to others too. Thanks

@sciencetech
STEM contributor

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We seem to share the same belief in the important role reciprocity plays in our lives my dear @sciencetech :) And I think it is through this that kindness could just spread and spread away.

You take care & thank you so much for leaving another of your incredible comments. You have a talent with words. You always manage to say so much, in such concise, efficient messages.

All the best :)

An excellent post, and something I really need to take on board more. I'm terrible.

(On the flipside, your uber driver does have a point about Brazillian girls! 😂😂😂😂😂😂)

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.......I was being flippant btw - I hope i didn't offend you ! Not my intention.... at all...

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Ow ... no way! Never! Don't worry 😉
ps: only saw this now!

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Phew! The over sensitivity has gone now.
(Never steemit on whiskey when you haven't had a drink in while..This rule doesn't apply to you, of course....)

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I really need to take on board more

That is the spirit! :D

On the flipside, your uber driver does have a point about Brazillian girls!

It looks like someone else had a 'funny' experience with a Brazilian girl, besides Mr. Couto! Gosh, that man ... I suspect he must have gone through a nasty divorce 😅

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My 'Brazilian experience' was a brief romance - and nothing but good times and plenty of fun!

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I'll make a story of it, while doing my new war game rules..
This is fun!
You might like this..

https://steemit.com/blog/@lucylin/quantico-the-unwritten-history-chapter-1

Wow what a beautiful article. I feel many time if we just stop and listen we can learn so much about people, you are right... they give you clues.

I also think we feel the need to fix a problem and therefore are not even focusing on what the person is really saying, but rather just trying to get them to hear are solution per say.

Clearing your mind to truly listen, without prejudice... love this... imagine how different the world could be if we all could master the art of listening.

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This is a beautiful comment @llfarms :)

Whenever I feel the message I tried to convey through my writing has been fully grasped my someone, I feel warmth in my heart! And your words have made my heart warm. Yes, imagine how different, families, societies, the work environment and, therefore, the world could be if only each one of us took the responsibility to empathically listen to one another.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and provide this wonderful feedback ❤

This is beautifully written Abigail, the thing is your job as a translator played an important role in showing that listening is an important factor in being a good translator. That's why I also think that most relationships are broken down because they only hear what they translate as harsh words towards each other instead of listening. The urge to air their ideas their grieviances and their burning heart makes it difficult for people to listen that's why people go into arguments because in their cause of hearing they fail to listen which makes them bad interpretaters of what they've heard.

You're right, I had several failed relationships in my love life. I and my partners at one time spend so much time trying to make our ideas stick into one another by proving to be right in our own way, it turns out the infidelity claims we we were pinning on each other was as a result of the fact that we didn't think, sit down and listened to ourselves.

Mr coute himself seemed too engrossed with a persona he holds about Brazilians, it may be that had issues with the job or the fact that he felt you were going to thread a certain lane just like your countrymen I guess he should have listen to the tone, he could've learnt by listening and allowing you to speak up. This to may blocks out people from learning. When you don't listen you don't learn and when you don't, then you don't interprete a situation corectly.

This is Beautifully written @abigail-dantes, after a ten minutes read, I had to read and re-read again, you're an amazing content creators, I'm glad I'm back after missing last Friday's post. Cheers.
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Oh my dear @joseddiccus,

It is so wonderful to see you back in action! Gosh, you had a few rough days last week. But it is over now and I trust you are feeling healthy and strong again :)

Broken relationships because of poor communication as a result of poor listening; in my opinion, is epidemic. I am sorry to hear you have had such experience in your life. Although, who hasn't? And this is why I think it is so important to teach children how to listen properly!

I am so pleased to hear you think this is a well written piece my dear. It sure means a lot coming from you: a fine poet!

I wish you good health and prosperity always.
Much love to you ❤

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It was certainly a brilliant read, Abigail I find life experiences in your amazing contents I feel that I can definitely relate everything I look at my previous pasts and definitely see a scenario in which they'd taken place in my life.

Thank you for your care and concern as well, good health is gradually coming back to me 😁

Thanks for this @abigail-dantes. I never would've guessed English was your second language. This article is very insightful, and we would do well to listen to others with more deliberation. So much gets lost in communication between emotions, prejudice, ect. Breakdowns happen too easily.

Your mention of language barriers remind me of when I applied for a delegation here on Steemit by leaving a comment. The person who was offering it was from Germany, and I was the only person who left an English comment explaining why he should delegate to me. Later I was curious as to what the other people said, so I went back to the post and chose to see it in English. Not only did it translate their comments, it showed me mine differently. For instance instead of saying I don't upvote my own posts it said I don't know my own posts and all sorts of other ridiculous stuff. Needless to say I didn't get the delegation haha!

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Ow ... This is an excellent example of broken communication getting in the way of the pursuit of a goal! Thank you for taking the time to share it here with us dear @snowpea. It is very relevant to this discussion.

ps: I am sorry you didn't get the delegation :/

So much gets lost in communication between emotions, prejudice, ect.

So true! Although, I believe this is something that can be avoided within families, and close friends. We just have to start making the effort! :)

All the best to you and you little one :*
Thank you for taking the time to stop by once again!

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Anytime! I enjoy reading your articles. :)

Hello @abigai-dantes

This is a very beautifully written piece. Not all who appears to be listening during a conversation session are actually listening. Sometimes one's past encounter clogs one's mind so much that listening becomes impossible. This is very evident in your encounter with the Uber driver. At any rate, this line is the main ingredient of the solution to inattentive listening.....

....in order to empathically listen to someone we need to mute that noise, to turn our mind into a white canvas, and this is the difficult part of it, the part that requires great effort°..

Regards

@eurogee of @euronation and @steemstem communities

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Oh my dear @eurogee, you are always so kind and encouraging about my work. I can only thank you for your invaluable support and the motivation it gives me.

It pleases me very much to hear you found this post well-written; as you are such a great writer, yourself.

All the best to you :*

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Thanks so much ✌️✌️

I have learned there are many people who enjoy hearing the sound of their own voice best. The older I get the less time those people get in my life. Conversation is a nice change. Be well mt friend. ❤️🐓🐓

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many people who enjoy hearing the sound of their own voice best

This is a subtle, smart way to explain why having a conversation is becoming a rare event nowadays :)

It is WONDERFUL to hear from you my dear friend.
Thank you for stopping by.
Much love to you from Portugal ❤️

Sometimes, I can understand how bad situations can leave an imprint on people, but it entirely up to them whether they decide to associate a whole race with their preconceptions. I find it to be an interesting phenomenon where stereotypes can develop from one bad experience. I believe that race, gender, or even skin should not develop any preconceptions on an entire group of people.

Great article. I had a great time reading it!

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Thank you for your comment @twotoedsloth. I am glad to hear you liked the article :) You raised a good point here: stereotypes can definitely make a lot of noise or even deafen people to the uniqueness of each individual and experience.

This just brought to reminisce what we were taught in our freshman year in college about critical listening (I think it's GST107 - Good study guide)... But the truth is; some people just "hear"; as it were; but not "listen". "Listening" that used to form an integral part of our everyday lives is now going into oblivion - and plus the world is getting more busy and noisy. Some people no longer see the need for critical listening, but no doubt, there's no feeling as divine as finding a listening ear.

Nice piece as usual Abbey

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Hello Sammi 😊

I think you have summed it all up when you said hear vs listening. This is an accurate straight-forward way of putting it. Plus, I love how you finished this comment Sammi. I even read it aloud to my husband. This is beautiful:

there's no feeling as divine as finding a listening ear.

😍

I wish you a most wonderful weekend my dear.
Take care & lots of love from Portugal! :*

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I'm really honoured by the reply to my comment, Abbey. My regards to your husband.

Have a blessed weekend, and be good 😍

@abigail-dantes, Yes, Listening is one of the greatest attribute of our life and we have to perform it effectively to create an environment which will be smooth and positive in Environment.

Yes, when we hold so much of perceptions and preconceptions then for sure our mind will going to create so many stories and our mind will be overfilled with all these stories then we wait for the communication and want to share our thoughts or we want to lessen our burden. But we have to understand one thing, when we just want to say and not listen, then this situation can lead us towards the situation of conflicts.

Communication should be the Two Way process otherwise we will going to miss understand the whole meanings of the next person because, we can showcase the essence of Hurry and in this phase we want to put our words before next person but not ready to hear the words of next person, this situation can sometimes lead towards the next level of arguments or misunderstanding of words.

And for sure, money cannot bring the happiness, money can bring pleasure in life, money can bring the lifestyle to life, money can make you travel, but true happiness is not money, and whoever thinks that just understand one thing and that is, most of the are suppressing in the RAT RACE to make money.

Wishing you an great day and stay blessed. 🙂

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Hello my dear @chireerocks :)

Thank you for taking the time to stop by once again and share your thoughts with us. I liked this sentence very much, because I think it illustrates the state of most people nowadays. No wonder why communication is broken down so often:

when we just want to say and not listen, then this situation can lead us towards the situation of conflicts.

I wish you a wonderful day ahead!

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Welcome and thank you so much. 🙂

Hey, Abbi! This post of yours seems to be related to the previous one - leaving the past behind :) We are always accompanied by our past experiences, people we have met, the feelings we have encountered. When we communicate with others we all have this invisible BUT powerful "world" of past experience interfering in our communication. Being in the present and truly listen to the others (and yourself) seems to be extremely difficult.

I am trained to actively listen to people I don't quite know and it is going OK. But when I need to listen to people that are close to me and feelings are involved - Oh, Gosh! It gets so difficult! I get confused - are the ghosts from the past talking or the person next to me?! Usually, I need a pause to think a little bit and to analyze the situation - did she/he said that or it was my past experiences/fears/feelings talking so loudly?

Taking a pause sounds like a wise thing to do, but it has a huge downside - an argument could continue forever :D

Thanks for the nice piece for reading!
Cheers!

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Hello @insight-out 😊

I suppose that is why it is important for us to make peace with our past events. So then they can shush and allow clear thinking to take place in our minds, in the present moment. It is indeed difficult. I think this is one factor that weighs heavily in arguments that last forever, issues that are resistant to being solved. They just become underlying problems that cloud our thoughts :/

It is nice to see you around :)
Take care & thank you for taking the time to leave me this wonderful comment.

I am sorry about the situation with the uber. I have had several and regular experiences with them.

Perhaps, this stems from the fact that as children we are not taught to listen with the same passion and dedication as we are taught to speak.

This part touches me. And I can only say this is an opportunity for me to start practising listening again. We can never overemphasize the feeling of affection people get, when they know you can always listen to them.
Thanks for this post.

Hmm Abi, when I think of this, I wonder if I've really been listening all my life. Definitely not always. In your UBER experience, I guess at some point I've been the driver, taking words not as what they really mean in context but either as what I want them to be or I guess, past experiences. Nevertheless, I'll take caution.

And also, look on the bright side, you got a free ride, supposedly as compensation for the delay. 😁

Was I listening?

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Was I listening?

Ha! You are SO smart @synick. The answer is YES! :)

We all have been the driver at some point, or another in our lives. Perhaps, we are the driver a little bit, every single day. Ops! But, having the courage to recognize that we are not perfect at listening is the first step to becoming one. And what is the reason for doing so? So then we can enjoy more meaningful romantic relationships, friendships, feel less lonely in life and consequently live a life which offers us high levels of subjective well being.

As for the free-ride ... I cannot complain :P

Thank you for stopping by my dear :*

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You're welcome and thanks a lot for the compliment :)

Good morning my dear @abigail-dantes as always learning a little more in your publications so full of truths. Listening without judging is a GIFT that very few people have, which is important in order to maintain good interpersonal relationships.
It should be noted that listening is not the same as listening and this last one we learn to be more detail in the topic of which it is about and thus help the person in a more suitable way.
Unfortunately, there are also cases where the person who has the gift of listening almost never has someone with the same reciprocity that they can also listen to him. That is why I am someone with few friendships.
I hope you spend a happy weekend in the company of your loved ones and may God bless you always.

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Hello my dear @rosnely. It is nice to see you around 😊

I am one of those people who believe that quality us better than quantity. It is much better to have a few friends who truly listen to you, then many who just want to tell you things! We all need someone to listen to us :)

I wish you a blessed, happy weekend too :*

wow!! nice post, I can relate. I have a girlfriend who enjoys talking a lot. She can talk the whole day without getting short of saliva or words. she keeps talking as long as she could see your listening attention. there are people like this, its just their nature. At times I get sick of the talking but to keep at peace you have give expression or responds like "wow", "hmmn", "ehn ehn"... even when you are not listening. At first, it was a difficult art to master but YOU JUST HAVE TO LISTEN

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She can talk the whole day without getting short of saliva or words.

Oh! 😅 Yes, you are right! There are some people out there who have both a lot of energy and a lot to say!

But please, keep in mind, this is not the kind of listening I am talking about here:

you have give expression or responds like "wow", "hmmn", "ehn ehn"... even when you are not listening.

Ahahah

What I like about this, though, is that you found your won way of dealing with her behaviour. You seem a very thoughtful boyfriend and I am sure you make her really happy.

All the best to you.

I used to have difficulty talking to people because most of them don't listen they just want to hear and reply, they don't really know where I'm coming from, so I kept to myself for a long while then I took to learn how to listen first and I think that has been working for me

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Hello @peachyladiva :)

Your approach seems to prove that Stephen Convey is correct in saying the following:

Seeking first to understand, then to be understood

You made a smart move there :D

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Yeah, that's correct, thank you for your amazing psycology posts

Yet another wonderful piece :)

Really love the psychological approach you applied in this at first glance ordinary situation. I don't know if other readers caught the moment you applied your listening skills, but I did enjoy it. You didn't hear what you wanted to hear, but rather what the driver actually told you.

In the world we live in, where everyone is trying to be more active and expressive, being a good listener is a valuable asset of one's personality. I think that we should talk more about how to listen.

All the best to you as always :))

hello my friend @abigail-dantes listening is an art that we must understand well why is not it just listening if we do not understand well to be able to do things right and keep in mind that if we pay attention and know how to listen we can have a better concept of what we they want to transmit. Greetings friend and thanks for your posts

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Thank you :)

To listen to the audio version of this article click on the play image.

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Lovely article I love it....

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I am very glad.
Thank you.

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Listening is a challenge for the rotating, busy world of work. A peace sign? How much work you can't do it? Are we late for work? Can we do it? Being inwardly calm, having time to listen, that is appreciation for this world. Yes, it is a peace sign. The world is getting happier.

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This is why, I believe it is important to take a little time - maybe 10 min. - each day, just to be! No distractions. Just one and one's thoughts.

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10 min. are too little for a conversation, too little time for real listening

You write well and about very interesting stuff!

I laughed here, although it's sad as well:

“My ex-wife is Brazilian too, you know, I always have problems with Brazilians”.

So recognizable, and I always could feel the rant that came afterwards, I've had to deal with a few of these too. For some it's very hard to listen and one detail of a person suddenly gets blown up to epic proportions.

Glad it gave you input for this gorgeous piece of writing though <3 Trying to listen (read!) a person as if they were 100% new to you can be hard. And although I live through mane misconceptions people have about me (my health in particular) and I know how frustrating it can be if people judge you for one thing, I still see myself filling in assumptions about people regularly.

The thing is - I'm aware of that now, and I'm often able to correct it. But it's a long and slow process.

Looking forward to your next post! Gave you a follow :-)

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