Half the story? LOL, I would say most of it wasn't there before ;) A couple things first- I should have mentioned that if you use a picture that isn't yours, you have to cite it. You're new, so hopefully no one would be a dick and flag you, but it could happen. What you do is go to the site you took it from, copy the address and paste it under the picture. In front of this put brackets and the word source like so: [source] then parentheses around the address. If you do it correctly all you should see is the word Source in blue.--example;) My story

Also I should warn you, I'm not typical of a 'veteran' of this place. By which I mean someone who has been here for a long while and has a rather high reputation. Not many would have agreed to come check out your story if you hadn't at least gone to their page and written a thoughtful comment on something of theirs first. steemit has a number of unwritten rules of etiquette, and dropping a link to someone when you don't know them is generally frowned upon. Actually, check out this article for a more in depth look at the don'ts and do's. And if you're really ambitious this article features a number of links to posts by 'veterans' dealing with this

As for your story- I enjoyed it. I would do another read through if I were you though, I caught some typos throughout. The writing is good so you don't want a few mistakes to take away from that.

Welcome aboard!