Zombies

This is a zombie story, and not my first, so if you scare easy then don't read this...

Image by ahmadreza heidaripoor from Pixabay

IN THE PENTHOUSE

Up in the galactic nine-fold eight where the gravy was always dripping and the honey was sweeter than sweet an emergency number was called to say something was wrong.

As it was only a three on the magnitude Richter scale all hands to the pumps was not called for, but a service elevator was quickly dispatched to down below to see what the trouble was.

The privileged servant who'd got the short straw took a slice of gravy with her just in case, but eleven floors down her resistance crumbled and she ate it through a straw and smacked her lips afterwards for good measure.

As the service elevator neared the bottom floor she gave a little burp and wondered what would be waiting for her when the doors opened.

Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

CLIVE

When you die they take your things away from you and as a precaution and they also relieve you of your belt and shoelaces, and then you spend ages hanging around waiting to be assigned to a work party.

If you’re the right type you’ll get the boiler stoking detail which is a cushy little number because you can take a smoke when you like and there’s lots of free tea available so you don’t die of dehydration.

Clive, the super athlete was just such a type and so got the job, but after a long time of shovelling coal he became disillusioned and decided to make a break for it to the other side where the angels fried toast with their toes to the tune of a harp or two.

The black boiler gang who’d all been there since before time began had been digging upwards with their teeth through the rock and were almost through to the bottom of the ocean, and then of course they’d have to swim for it, or so they thought.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Clive the super athlete and stoker first class found their hole one day on noticing that the smoke from his cigarette was disappearing somewhere and on closer inspection he found the way to escape.

As he climbed upwards using the toe holds provided it became right dark but he persevered and just kept going.

One or two years later and he could hear the digging coming from further up the black hole and so slowed down a little bit to let them in front finish breaking through.

Suddenly they were through and the ocean poured down the hole one hundred tons a second at a pressure that made it hard to breathe and because they hadn’t brought any Wellington boots they were soaked through in moments.

Image by Jiří Rotrekl from Pixabay

Clive pushed on against the maelstrom of rushing water and began the long swim to the surface.

As a side note: when the waters of the ocean reached down below it put the boilers out which made the angels complain with a strongly worded letter to His Kingship the devil who was away on holiday and wouldn’t receive it until he came back in a few weeks.

On reaching the surface, Clive looked about and saw nothing but water and clouds so he swam for it and ate fish along the way to fill his belly back up after the long fast.

On reaching the ocean’s edge he pulled himself out onto the sand of a beach and frightened all the tourists into taking selfies with him.

The newspapers headlines the next day ran: zombie rises from the deep and invades New Jersey. The police statement was: do not approach, and, wanted for questioning.

Image by Dust in the Wind from Pixabay

WHEN THE DOOR OPENED

So of course, when the elevator with the girl slave reached the bottom and the doors opened she became hysterical to find Clive sitting there on a seat and waiting to get in or something.

As she cowered back as far as she could go, Clive walked in and stinking of fish pushed the up button to go to the top.

It was a long journey for the girl who was too frightened to make conversation with Clive who was looking at her strangely.

“Hmm,” he said and walked over to the cowering girl and bit her.

“Yuck,” he said and spat out a piece of her flesh.

She was wearing anti-zombie cream recommended to her by her doctor who was a fortune teller on the side and made a few extra bob that way.

The girl fainted away and when she woke up she too was a zombie, and then the doors opened at the top and the two zombies stepped out into the penthouse suites of the elite, and soon much screaming came as all the elite that lived there safe and sound from the riffraff below were turned into zombies too.

Image by SvenKirsch from Pixabay

THE VERY NEXT DAY

The next day the hunt was on for the two zombies that were recorded on camera biting and eating the elite but had somehow escaped the net that was thrown up by the police.

The elite zombies had to be put down as there was nothing that could be done to cure them although a few live specimens were carted off to the experimental unit to be experimented on to see if they could find a cure for the common cold.

Everything went quite for a while as the hunt widened, but no further sighting of the male and female zombies came so the authorities played a waiting game in the courthouse that was set up for them to wait.

Behind closed doors inspector Mostley was brought out of retirement to head up the investigation and subsequent hunt when any word came in. Also behind these very same closed doors great concern was voiced about a pay rise and what was going to happen to all the deceased elite’s money.

Image by Reimund Bertrams from Pixabay

The lawyers and the bankers argued over the dead elite’s wills that had disappeared but as the money was in their banks the bankers were laughing because they already knew that had also disappeared into their own pockets and there was nothing anyone could do about it.

The Prime Minister of England resigned of course and went on holiday and couldn’t be reached. The stock market fell into turmoil and anyone with money in it made a huge loss and the whole world began to wonder what was happening.

Panic set in and many questions were asked that were not answered and because none knew what was going to happen things carried on as normal for the most part, but it was the beginning of the end.

The president of the USA ordered pancakes as usual and said nothing was wrong and everyone should do what they always do, but there was a feeling that something was not right and people started looking over their shoulders and jumping at loud noises and packing up and moving out and hiring bodyguards with machine guns.

Image by Roy Clarke from Pixabay

ZOMBIES ANONYMOUS

When zombies anonymous closed the doors for the night the two newest members left under their own steam taking with them some tasty morsels as a snack for later.

They left behind them the carnage of an evening’s feasting and as the bodies would not be found for some time they were safe to wander on to their next plunder.

But in no time at all the bodies began to rise up from where they lay and seek food, and one by one they found their way out onto the street and went in hunt of unsuspecting victims throughout the night so that by morning there would be surprises for everyone to scream at as they went to work.

Image by Enrique Meseguer from Pixabay

THE BOAT RIDE

On the yardarm of surrender, a packet steamer to England the captain was not happy to find two stowaways after the ship had sailed, but being a kindly old sailor with a wife and 18 kids of his own he took a shine to the two lovebirds who kept giving each other love bites and let them stay in the hold with the clockwork parts for want of a better place to put them and sailed on to London in England and broke out the rum to see him through.

“Now that we’ve become better acquainted I think it’s time to know your name,” said Clive munching body parts from a brown paper bag.

“Tracy Emmings,” said Tracy also munching on a finger from her purse.

“What’s that you have there?” asked Clive eyeing up the finger in Tracy’s hand.

“Nothing,” said Tracy quickly swallowing the finger whole. “It was just a little keepsake.”

“I think I’ll sleep now,” said Clive and lay down and burped then turned over and slept the full sleep of the dead.

Tracy soon followed him into dreamland where they both had heaps and mounds of body parts to eat all night long until they next awoke feeling hungry and so went in search of food.

and who knows, but maybe even they would get married one day...

Image by Willgard Krause from Pixabay

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