Zombies Need Not Apply

This is an open letter to all the undead immortals.

Except for the zombies because the decaying skin thing is kinda gross.

Do you spend weeks stalking your next victim? Maybe you're a vampire and have to spend all those nights of sweet moonlight stalking your prey instead of enjoying your eternity. Maybe you're a werewolf and hate wasting your one good night a month hunting new members for your pack instead of enjoying time with the ones you already have. Then this advert is for you!

I am a willing candidate for any and all undead (except zombies who need not apply). send me a message and I'll come to you. That's right imagine someone coming right to you. No need to stalk, hunt, chase, or capture. I'll be at your door at a time of your choosing ready to be bitten/scratched/cursed/etc. Then to thank you for the favor I will go out and hunt your next prey for you.

Save time, Save yourself. You've got better things to be doing then hunting the town baker, why not live a little and visit Aruba, Transylvania, or some ice cave down in old Antartica.

None of this applies to zombies because decaying, maggot filled, skin is kinda gross and I don't want that. So to be absolutely clear: ZOMBIES NEED NOT APPLY.