Turning Bullying Into Lemonade - Positivity Challenge #1

The public school I attended from grades 1 thru 6 was a brutal place. You’d think that attending a rural school wouldn’t be. It wasn’t so much that the teachers were mean, it was more they chose not to discipline students. The principal was on record as saying she didn’t believe in ‘harsh’ discipline aka the strap. The other teachers, pretty well all women, fell in line.

The school sat between two rural concession roads. It consisted of four classrooms, a gymnasium and a large yard with a couple of ball diamonds and a soccer field. While there was supposed to be a teacher on yard duty during recess and noon, they rarely appeared outside and rarely moved away from the building.

That left the rest of the yard for the most dominant students to control. The most dominant were the bullies, which meant there were two types of students, those the bullies liked and those they didn’t. The ones they didn’t like, were targets. I was a target.

Bullies draw people around them. Not so much because they are liked, mostly because people fear them and will pretend to like them in hopes of not becoming a target. I didn’t get that option, some of the school bullies marked me as their target almost the moment I arrived at school for grade one. Yeah, I’m dating myself, kindergarten didn’t exist at that time.

To this day, I have no idea how I landed on their radar. The name calling was bad enough. Then the practice of taking what I was carrying away from me and taunting me as I stupidly tried to get it back before one of them decided to destroy or damage it. My lunchbox was a favourite target. Kids didn’t carry backpacks in those days.

With the lax discipline from the teachers, these kids didn’t stop when recess ended. Some of them were bold enough to push or trip their targets in the hallways. I learned pretty quick to stay near the wall and to watch feet near me. It’s hard to push someone into a wall when they are already beside it. Doesn’t have the same effect. Sometimes I got lucky when they tried to trip me and I’d avoid the foot trying to hook my ankle.

I learned pretty quickly that safe havens were not to be found.

Staying near the school didn’t provide safety, the teachers were rarely outside. Finding reasons to stay in at recess were almost impossible. The teachers wanted you outside so they could have their coffee and a break.

As for my mother, well her initial response was to tell me that I had to fight back. I had to hit these guys and show them I wouldn’t take their abuse. Umm.. Mom.. I’d try to remind her that I was her six year old daughter, not her 12 year old son. My mother was not a person who could be argued with, I was sent to school with my marching orders.

I sought out any hiding place I could find. Kept my head down and my mouth shut. I did well in school so I didn’t get called stupid.. Did get “browner” a lot. Teachers would complain on my report cards that I didn’t participate in class enough. That would be to avoid drawing attention to myself so I made no effort to change that.

As I got older, I had a pretty strong sense of right and wrong as well as being protective towards younger kids being picked on by the bullies who were now my age. I took a few on while protecting younger kids.

Instead of the teachers being okay with one of the older kids watching out for the younger ones, they complained to my parents that I didn’t choose age appropriate friends.

Gee, wonder if that had something to do with the years of bullying they had looked the other way on?

Making the Lemonade

I have never found myself worrying about needing the company of others. My own company was the safest I could have. I find myself not ever seeking out popularity. I’d rather be respected for what I do than being popular. I’m known for speaking my mind. Some may not like it, but most will respect that they know right where they stand with me.

I’ve become a strong, independent woman who will stand up for others. I tend to find friends who are strong, independent women. Would I have become that without the bullying I experienced? Possibly.

I think it is more likely that I did so because of it.

As an adult, I will not tolerate bullying. I will give a person chances to show I’m wrong when I identify a bully in my life. Then I push back. When I push back, I push hard. Invariably, they run. It’s the nature of bullies, they are cowards.

I think overall I became stronger. Handed lemons, I eventually made lemonade

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