CDC Reports Seasonal Virus Appears To Lower IQ
Atlanta Georgia -- The CDC reports a link has been found between a common seasonal virus and a diminishing of IQ. The virus first appeared on the CDC's radar two years ago when thousands of people began reporting strange behavior in friends and family. Among the symptoms reported were paranoia, increased anger, and irrational and obsessive behavior.
One family noticed the changes beginning toward the end of 2015. Ada Rand reports that her father began acting strangely in February of 2015. Mrs. Rand said, "Our dad just starting losing it. It was hard to watch you know. I mean, before this he was a very down to earth guy. All of a sudden he would scream things like, "if you don't vote you can't complain", and claiming that the next POTUS was going to make America super or something like that. He was obsessed with situational ethics."
Another family noticed a family-wide outbreak during a reunion. A member of the family reported that, "most of the women at our gathering were super angry. They were not sure why, and couldn't explain it to us. All I know is they started calling each other Hilary, and throwing things at all the men. A few of the guys were acting strange too, but most of them were teenagers and I think they were scared of their girlfriends or something."
Countless people across the United States have either experienced the virus first hand or seen those they love fall victim. The CDC noted that the virus appears to take hold almost exclusively in men and women ages 35 and older, although hey cautioned they could not guarantee the virus has not been spreading through the younger population as the symptoms are difficult to see in that group. A CDC spokesman said, "Those between the ages of 18-35 are hard to diagnose. The behaviors caused by the virus are identical to the normal behaviors of that demographic."
No treatment has been found at this time. The CDC reports that the virus seems to ramp up a few months before November. They suspect the virus has a long incubation period however, and cautions those coming in contact with the infected should avoid television, radio, and Internet outlets that report on politics, as consuming these types of media seems to increase the risk of infection.