Ten - An Alliterative Poem

in #poetry3 years ago

Hello, Steemit! It has been a long, long time since I posted.

My wife and I will celebrate our tenth anniversary this summer, and I wrote a poem for her. You are getting it here first though. :D

Grey rolls the great deep.
Grey hang the dark clouds.
A dawn drizzle falls,
drips dropping from chairs.
Umbrellas sway, rock,
undulating fitfully.
We rose in vain
to watch the sunrise.

Lightning illuminates
long stretches of sky.
Awake and alive,
an island in the storm,
we gaze gladly,
gossamer-mist-shrouded,
from the flickering display
to the friend close by.

In silent solace we sat,
soaking in the rain.
The breakers’ rhythm,
the beat of our hearts,
united unexpectedly.
You and I.

Love still leaps,
laughing, ten years on.

Thanks to @geekorner for his help.

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art courtesy of @PegasusPhysics

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Great poem to express your love to your wife. I just celebrated 7 yrs with my wife on Monday. May you and your wife celebrate many more years to come. Have a wonderful and blessed day @whoshim!

Congratulations! And thanks!

Good piece. We got there :)

You know I always said that your pieces were lacking you actually putting in what mattered to you, and that they were best, and quite good, when they had that.

This piece has that. And after we kicked off the alliterative style and most of the passive phrasing you're so fond of, the poem still reads as yours, there is still delicious alliteration here, without it being the point of the piece.

There is still some passive voice here, without it overtaking the piece.

And what's left is a piece I'm sure your wife will not only appreciate, but enjoy.

What could be a better gift than a poem, - a poem written by your very own husband! A poem that keeps those little treasured memories of how your journey has begun! I'm sure she'll cherish this piece and in many years will read it to your grandchildren!

How well the imagery of the raging nature passes the feeling of a strong feeling being born at this very moment.

Lines that stroke me the most are:

In silent solace we sat,
soaking in the rain.
The breakers’ rhythm,
the beat of our hearts,
united unexpectedly.
You and I.

The lines that show the unity of two hearts that used to be lonely before. Just a thought about them never meeting each other, gives chill, but the final "You and I" fills the heart with joy for those two!

Lovely lovely poem of two hearts united by nature!

Thanks! I hope that she enjoys it, though I think I like poetry more than she does. :D

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