The Naked Eye - Poetry
I enter screaming,
glass shattering
Hands weilding bloody cuts,
I'm split in two, from floor to ceiling.
My best laid plans-
paint... slowly peeling.
The air, thin, too hard to breathe.
Solitary vigil, a mountain-
this world of smoke and fire.
Fingers grasp the wheel,
and I just drive...
Visions appear and swifly go,
Conjure burning afterglow...
But I can't stop time.
A ticking, dull vibration
Surreal, these quiet incantations,
Soft reminder that
we're not finished yet.
T'would be a hollow victory
If somehow I lost sight of me,
Moonlight tempts me on to play,
A dance upon a quiet bay
Glide across the silver water
But I can't see her magic face.
I dissolve into the miles-
miles of empty,
heart still beating, undefeated.
Temper speed and foolish pride,
more still meets the naked eye.
Janelle Gregory
This is my entry poem inspired by @hopehuggs contest Runaway Rhymes
Thank you for reading!
photo property of author edited in Cymera
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Wow this poem was so dynamic and full of movement idk how to explain lol it was awesome though like an action poem!
Thank you @juliakponsford, I really had no idea where it was going. It came to me as I was drifting off to sleep and I completed it last night. They have minds ofof their own.
Sometimes the best ides come when your groggy, you just have to make sure to take advantage and write them down!
I absolutely agree…, I was dictating on a note pad with my phone!
Imagine these imagery:
I'm split in two, from floor to ceiling.
There's a vast distance between these two when the character entering into screaming after the --- glass shattering Hands wielding bloody cuts, --- Attempted murder?
Maybe splitting in two rips wide open and that took another events like: My best laid plans- paint... slowly peeling. --- painting or any paint that too much exposure to light or dust would "slowly peeling" ---- The air, thin, too hard to breathe. -- must have something happen to the character in the "splitting"mode, maybe can't accept the fact life is not treating the character well. ---- Solitary vigil, a mountain- ---- this world of smoke and fire. ---- A nice place to be alone, maybe contemplating about what's going on in the character's feeling or mind. --- could be the smoke and fire symbolizes something more more than what is said... --- Fingers grasp the wheel,
and I just drive... ---- then we suddenly saw (in our imagination) grasping a wheel and where it lead us is unknown. ----Visions appear and swiftly go, ----- it is vague what vision it is but we have to stay it that way. ----- Conjure burning afterglow... ------ maybe this is the vision? i'm only guessing. ----
But I can't stop time. ----- why was the character want's to stop the time? Does the character needs to "change"or "undo" his deeds? or something...
Just my two cents, wandrnrose7 .... Hope you don'ti mind my critiquing the first stanza...
I love the critique! Thank you for sharing this awesome review of the poem!
You are most welcome wandrose7. I like the way the poem leads us, the mystery, essence, the way the content and form moved us. Is there another poem in the next few hours? Would you like to critique my latest poem, if you are not busy. Glad to hear from you...
Wow! Had my heart beating fast! Excellent! :)
Thank you so much! I had no idea where it wanted to go.
SEVERELY undervalued content!
Thank you for always supporting my work!
Awesome writing as always
Thank you, dear friend.
Your most welcome
i can feel all this words as i know you from long time and you are good in poetry now dear, wonderful..
beautiful poem from true heart.
That is very kind of you. Thank you so much.
Janelle, I am stunned. I loved it very much! Very nicely written and your choice of words and the flow were both nicely done as well as the structure! <3
Thank you, dear friend for the wonderful comment.
I'm glad you enjoyed and thank you <3
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