30 Day Haiku Challenge Day 14 : Storytelling 📚
Storytelling
As sun starts to hide
Wind gets cold, peace resonates
Tales, laughters begin
Love lots,
@wandergirl ❤
You can check my other posts here..😉
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Thank you for sharing this! I'm so refreshed to see effective Haiku structure from you! Perhaps not intentional; but well delivered!
The first line has an expert natural comment: the hiding sun. I like that image, like the sun is fleeing or trying to be sneaky. Perhaps hiding itself to steal happiness away from the people slipping into shadows.
The second line alters the tone to make it more relaxed, and that the hiding isn't a bad thing, perhaps a natural phenomenon that is like falling asleep all the day's worries gone.
The final line clinches the poem for me; and to me, is where your insight and grace shines through.
Typical haikus have a juxtaposition in the last line; a commentary on the natural thing introduced in the first line, and you make it so smiling here:
"Tales, laughters begins."
(I would suggest removing the "s" from "begins").
The hiding sun the fleeing light does not dampen the mood! It does not bring peaceful death, or cease of action, but actually inspires laughter! It incites story telling! It creates an opportunity for celebration and joy! I found this in direct contrast to the opening images in the first two lines: the hiding sun, and the cold wind.
Thank you so much for this! Keep going!
Thanks @jocelynlily for taking time to read and comment on all my haikus. I always learn so much every time you make comments on my haikus.
The night commonly is interpreted with darkness or fear. But when you are with your friends or loved ones, that changes everything. It is a time to relax and bond with them.
Told around a beach fire, perhaps. Your haiku does put one in a lovely place, wandergirl:)
Thanks @prydefoltz! We indeed made a camp fire on the beach and had sharing of stories and insights..
I like the second line! "Peace resonates"
Thanks @reewritesthings! What do you like about this line?
I like the "wind gets cold" and how it goes counter to "peace resonates." I think of "cold wind" and shivering, or death, or sleeping uneasy burdened by doubt and worry. "Peace resonates" runs directly contrary to the hiding sun and the cold wind. It makes me stop and think "oh! a turn is coming! what will it be?!"
I like the contrast the words evoke.
There's just something in it that gives me an indescribable feeling . char. I can't quite point it out. haha