E-Mails to Jess Vol.3

Hey. I've been doing a lot of driving this past day and you know what that means!.. a lot of thinking. And with it a darkness I need to try and explain, so maybe you can make more sense of it than my own mind can.

There is a darkness that lurks in my mind. I don't always feel its presence, but when I do it is unnerving. I remember feeling it when I was really young while on the school bus and not knowing what it was. Not much has changed in the knowledge department, unfortunately.

When I was young I had this weird way to ease it. I would say the word, "strange", over and over again in my head. For some reason, the feeling and mental movement of saying this word over and over seemed to lessen this darkness, or maybe it was just a distraction. I'm telling you this because I want to seem crazy; being crazy is an answer rather than this unknowing.

I feel it again now. I'm not sure if its anxiety, or partly a mental illness like schizophrenia or if its this blocked out part of me that wants to get out (also relating to mental illness, potentially). Whatever it is, its dark.

Maybe its something as simple as my true potential that I keep suppressing with my bad habits (drinking and smoking) that my laziness refuses to let win.

I have so many fucking flaws that ascending forwards and upwards seems an impossible task.

Who is this dark passenger and what does want?

Love,

Jess

Well Hello darkness, my old friend
I've come to talk with you again
Because a vision softly creeping
Left its seeds while I was sleeping
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Still remains
Within the sound of silence

did you know that the word weird,
comes from Wyrd is a concept in Anglo-Saxon
culture roughly corresponding to fate
or personal destiny.

so that weird. really is
some kind of divine order
and perhaps this is IT
I would say the word, "strange",
over and over again in my head

really is trying to process the weird
really the sickness
is the dis-ease with society

a society/culture that has disconnected us
from the weird, so much so
there are lil kids on playgrounds
right saying you're weird or
that's weird with negative context
so much so, that we all feel this weirdness
or strangeness, but dare not speak
or to tell it to anyone,
even ourselves,

we block it out,
we turn it off
so that it becomes dark
some kind of shadow being
that lives on the edge of our awareness
only to poke and rip our consciousness to pieces
every chance it gets, where we realize it or not

it's a strange trip we are on
this much am sure of

but you know what is also true?
dancing everything into existences
my sun dance, my moon dance
the heartbeat of the universe
dubstepping to the songs of eternity

and you know what
I am the kid in the rain
dancing like no one is watching

embrace the weird
find the others
after all its
to come to pass, to become
the everywhen

XOXOXOXO

cheers! (get drunk off the soul)

-SatoriD

You are the best :) ill reply with longer email tonight xoxoxo

Jess