THOUGHT OF THE UNKNOWN

in #poetry6 years ago (edited)

women-2630140_1280.jpgsource
As the broken pieces of sun ray kiss my face through the window slide
And the blazing motion of the hot breeze passing my skin
Lost in thought of the unknown with no idea where my mind is at
Hearing the loud sounds murmur like the whispers
It seemed like I wasn't at the spot I was

Regaining myself through the harsh tap after several loud calls and shouts
Looking straight at you but not hearing what you say
you shout but I can't hear a thing u say
Trembling at the call of my name to consciousness like I was in a quick nap
Having a mini attack from my name being called at even the most quiet sound
Yes! I knew I was lost in my thoughts and away from reality.

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I liked this poem, good job Erica. I'll tell you what I liked about it. the imagery is well-described. For instance, in the first two lines, the imagery compliments really well, rays of sun, blazing motion, hot breeze. The content (message) is relatable.

Edit. Shortened the comment.

Lol :P To be honest man :P you got to cut the girl some slack it is her first poem :) I think it is just awesome how she did... Hehe she will be represented in our issue today. God Bless you both :P Peace and Love.

Yes, I apologise. I edited the comment (and removed a chunk of my text). I actually quite liked her work and wanted to give some suggestions, but I realise it may have appeared differently.

I apologise Erica, but, I do believe it was a good job and you have to keep going!

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