First Date

For a first attempt it's good because your meaning came across clearly. The style was a mix of rap and poetry-the moth stanza is lovely but personally I think that it belongs in another poem.
Rap is read quickly which doesn't leave the reader time to feel the strong emotion of love and awe that you were trying to convey, although it does work in the stanza where you are berating yourself.
You have real potential-your poem is already better than most Steemit poetry- in that you conveyed something real and didn't just throw words on a page because they sounded a bit nice and I know that you will appreciate the critique and therefore you will only become better.

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kryptik (63) 8 years ago

Great comment.

The "rap style" was the only way I could get a rhythm going. I really don't have any experience writing poetry so every time I try I feel like I'm writing a slightly more elaborate version of "Roses are red, Violets are blue". I never thought about how quickly something being read correlates to the emotion. Maybe that's why I enjoy prose.

Thanks for the encouragement.

I'll give it another go.

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