Steemitpoetrycontest-#13-WITCHES POWER

in #poetry7 years ago


The piper plays a tune,
as witches dance in the moon.
This song, this tune, this moon,
reveals our power soon.

In our covens lie our strength,
our chants and cries and moans.
This song, this tune, this moon,
our coven soon to rule.

Despair not , oh darling young witch,
for your day of glory comes with swift.
This song, this tune, this moon,
grants you all power and soon!

Sort:  

Great poem. It is quite creative in that it goes beyond the expected poem of witchcraft, which I have encountered a lot while reading poetry pieces. The third line is repeated in each stanza, which adds to its value as it is quite melodic in its repetition, and it is, therefore, doing what is described in the line.

Now, what I don't love is the fourth line of each stanza. So, in the first stanza, you have a piper, you set out the tune for the whole poem, the witches are dancing - they are going to reveal the power soon. In the second, there is a sense that united, the coven is stronger, and they are chanting because they are going to take over soon. Lastly, there's a feeling that they will achieve glory and power, soon.

What is weak about the last lines is that they hold a lot of promise, but they do not describe much. All of them promise 'soon', which what you are saying is, that the climax of the story or the event will happen outside this poem. The last words should be striking and powerful, as I have said to others before. The 'powers' spoken about are abstract, and if the reader is shown, it could leave more impact as a poem.

Nonetheless, this was quite great; the structure and idea behind it are quite interesting. This could be a too-critical of an approach, but the poem is good in itself, especially the first two stanzas.

thanks a lot....your critique is spot on again....as i was composing the poem, i felt there was still one more stanza to write tho.....i will definitely take note of your inputs in my next poem....cheers

Yeah, I totally understand. When it comes to length or rhyme restrictions from contests, it is quite hard to fit what you want to say. You have to compromise at times. And that is good, because, trying new things and getting out of our comfort zones is how we learn and improve. Keep writing and Keep engaging in contests ;)

I like the musical quality of this poem, hinging around the refrain of "This song, this tune, this moon". If a poem can be said to be "catchy", this one is. The theme also has an ominous quality to it, like a prophecy that may or may not come to pass... really interesting :)

That said, I would like to offer one small critique (and please tell me if I'm overstepping): I don't think you need to say "with swift", you can simply say "for your day of glory comes swift". It makes more sense and also fits the meter better ;)

thanks for the critique, i appreciate it.....i have taken note of your comment and would improve on my writing in my next submission....cheers

Oh good, I hoped it would be helpful and not an unwelcome comment. Please feel free to ignore if it doesn't take the writing where you want it to go. I edit my own poems ruthlessly, often even after they are posted! On my entry for this contest, I think I went back and edited the whole thing like 4 or 5 times after it was already entered in the contest 🤣

that's interesting. such ruthless dedication to producing a piece of worth!

Spooky stuff. Nice rythm and tenor.

thanks for the comment and upvote...cheers

Good work. The repetitions give this one a very lyrical feel and though it tries to head that way, it subverts the ballad form.

i appreciate your comment and input on the poem, i hope to improve in my future posts....thanks for the upvote too

interesante y misterioso poema

muchas gracias, es mi entrada para un concurso de poesía en Steemit ... podrías probar el concurso también

como entro al concurso, si ya no es tarde claro

Coin Marketplace

STEEM 0.17
TRX 0.13
JST 0.028
BTC 58751.99
ETH 2642.76
USDT 1.00
SBD 2.47