LIFE

LIFE

What’s in store for me? Am I the lucky one who is
allowed to live a full life. Am I allowed to grow,
experience and be happy. Will I be permitted to have
children and at least go through life with an above
average percentage of being loved?

Or will I be made to pay for one mistake: suffer to
such a severe extent that I should have wished not to be
born in the first place. All my successes, my doing good
for others are not required for this decision making
process. They are seemingly not factored into a decision
that affects not only me but my entire family.

What have they done to deserve this torture except love
me. Does this seem fair. Not it is not but who decides.
Life is both joyous and cruel and I have experienced them
both. But the pain is realizing the former through the
latter.

Each second, minute, day and year pass with no regret;
they don’t help me cross the street or wait for me until
I’m finished like a true friend would. Why should they,
they are not my friend nor do they wish they were; their
lot is pre-planned and unchanging. They are given the
decency of being told their role.

Their role is not to hold the door open for me – it is
to keep closing the door in my face just as I reach the
welcome mat. Their job is to close the door just as I
attempt to rush in from the cold. But what have I done
except to ignore them all my life…they justifiably
owe me nothing.

One mistake is all it takes yet who should take the
blame, fate or I. I thought I made the decision but can
I be so sure. For if it was up to me the consequence
would be different and I would be given a second chance
to do it right. I would be given the chance to learn from
my mistake.

Of course, how stupid of me – I must have used up all my
second chances. Who am I kidding – desperate situations
make all people wish, hope and pray for a solution.
that’s it. Now I can more effectively blame myself,
knowing it is all my fault that this is happening.
At least I have reached an answer. Knowing why, I am
told, is supposed to ease the pain and prepare you for
what’s in store – why it isn’t working.

Pray – a curse word to those of us who are not religious.
A word of convenience to be used only when necessary or
when the serious extent of a situation warrants it. Maybe
I’m being blamed for not going to church? To go every
week and pay to sit and listen to the same things I could
recite verbatim since I first stepped foot inside the
doors, you pay to have those doors open to you – but you
cannot bribe time.

Time is the true enemy. The reliable everlasting
scapegoat that is noticed only when called to our
wandering attention. A friend when used; an enemy forever
after. But time, like life, justifiably owes me nothing –
and nothing is what I will take.

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© Doghaus
3 September 2017

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Honestly,
Doghaus