"Leaving Home"--- Original Poem --- Entry For Steemit Slam #1

in #poetry7 years ago

Leaving Home

On a staircase:
Light streamed in the windows,
It was warm inside.

So young the two embraced
innocent bliss spread like butter
On fresh bread.

Flash forward, three words were said
Without comprehension and hearts ached.
Desperation of linked hands,
Of lingering butterfly swirl
And flowering angst.

A hundred nights had been burnt from the film.
Felt the reel crackling, dark smoke crawling, the
Brain-edit blur: moist adoration glitched memories
Of hot skin wet tears sweet laughter.

Brown eyes shone admiration and desire,
The yellow intelligence of girlhood burst forth.
Chilled by the azure penetration of blonde framed blues
It was snowing on the beach, while the sun scorched sand.

Tangled confusion consumed him for an instant of terror.
She clang and wept, funereal sobs like church bells tolled.
His face was longing impatience against the grey-white sky.

Whirred across hills and plains by eclectic tones fueled,
Jazz distortion of ignorance sang melodies of trees long dead
Still standing. The forest bled nutrients and fungi that
Crept sleekly, the brown decay of delusion.

Liquor burned delirious throaty laughter
In sad imitation of the feline screaming freedom.
She was nowhere. Lies festered, as maggots in an
Indigo green fennel stalk drooping into the cold dirt.

Explosion of awe:
Psychedelic demon’s grin
Grew inwardly and he shrieked.
Without hearing, silver organs groaned &
Speech failed to gap the growing void.

Icy phone voice
rang a young woman’s panic
and a young man’s rage.

It was frigid outside.
Dull light trickled through the windows.
A house fell.

By @d-pend


Nature-house-pisgah-fire-sun.jpg
Picture taken near Pisgah National Forest in North Carolina. When I wrote this piece, I thought of this old, decrepit house. It is deserted and overgrown by vines and trees, representing the paradox of sadness and peace that comes through changing phases of life.

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This a beautifully descriptive poem, a great example of the rule of showing the reader the story instead of telling the story. I love that you not only mentioned certain moments long gone but you put us the reader in that moment with the details, I could smell the alcohol inside and the fungi outside, I could hear the jazz and a woman screaming, I could also feel the frigid cold. And I could see the beauty of the countryside that did not fade through time, but instead changed its clothes from season to season. Thank you @d-pend for this experience. I love it.

What a deep and strong message about what once was, moments of love, confusion, pain, and then destroyed or abandoned after which nature takes her essence to cover it all. And the cycle returns. If I misinterpreted the poem, I give my deepest apologies. I just felt a sense of very mixed and confused emotions, with memories of what was and the realization of it all being left to decay and nature taking over like it always does. Your picture gave that haunting impression that once there was life within and now it is gone. As you can tell I am not good at poetry but only know the feelings and emotions that I felt after reading it. I love that you are so deep with your own mixed feelings trying to make sense of this world. Keep writing and being!

I read it twice :). So many descriptive images there I wanted to re read as they seem to just, place you at all the different scenes!... love the contrast of torment and bliss .. and how it relates to the rotting of the wood too!! Ahhh its wonderful!.. deep mind :)

upvote your post my friend

thank you friend :)

Congratulations! This post has been upvoted from the communal account, @minnowsupport, by d-pend from the Minnow Support Project. It's a witness project run by aggroed, ausbitbank, teamsteem, theprophet0, and someguy123. The goal is to help Steemit grow by supporting Minnows and creating a social network. Please find us in the Peace, Abundance, and Liberty Network (PALnet) Discord Channel. It's a completely public and open space to all members of the Steemit community who voluntarily choose to be there.

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I like all the details and images help move the story forward. You have done a good job avoiding the cliche and giving me more interesting images that I hadn't considered before.

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