I feel you. But at least you'll be able to meet him someday. I'm already 18 when i met my biological father. That was year 2009 and that year i last saw him too. But I'm alright now. At least i was able to see him. That's enough for me. I hope you'll meet yours too. To loose whatever anger you have in your heart, whatever questions you have in mind. That way you'll be totally ok. Promise! :-)
God bless you and your momma...