In My Eyes
There is a tension. A resistance. It is pulling me back as I try to pull it toward me. I want it so badly, but it seems to evade me.
Maybe I am weak. I need to try harder. It just seems to stop me every time. It's resistance seems much stronger than I am. I have lost the will. I don't think that I have the strength. I am a failure. I will try again later.
I'm back. I think I have regained my strength. The pressure feels good. It is constant. Steady and completely even. Just like pressure is supposed to be. My hands jitter in anticipation of what is about to come. Still, I pull forward.
I must gain the strength. Without the courage, I will never succeed. A huge amount of strength is needed to follow this through to completion. This is no easy task. It takes great courage.
I want the pressure. I enjoy the pressure. I know what remains after it is released. There is peace. There is happieness. At the very worst, darkness. Whatever it may be, I want it all.
Once the pressure reaches its highest point, I feel a release. It is as if all of the past tensions have dissapeared in an instant.
With one quick "bang". All of these troubles go away as the gun falls to the floor.
You have placed your emotions in the hands of another. Take that shit back @big.ock they are yours, you control you. It seems you already know this anyway, so dig in and find that thing that is you. You have defined yourself as all the things above. Why not redefine...life, it is a winding way
I know they are. Thank you for the support. My blogging is suffering as well. I think I am finally ready to get back on track. This new post is still somewhat dark but it is something that interested me so I had to write about it. I'm done with this stupid "poor me" shit. I'm gonna turn this around.
Https://steemit.com/strange/@big.ock/weirdest-invention-of-all-time
Sometimes saying a thing, putting it out there, that can give you a power over it.
Yeah. That could subconsciously be why I did it. I have no idea. I have been pretty confused.
@djimirji up