Youth's Dim Light, a poem (original)
The past unfolds the story of indolence
The present acts the irony
The future is waiting for possibility
Everything given,still nothing happens
Youth likes embracing what is modern
Eyes on computer,studies forgotten
A coin dropped a chance of trash
Bully everywhere vulgar to bash
Youth's shameful face
Deluge of pressure peers
A night of indulgence taste
A morning of unceasing regrets
Expectations are buried
Parents are disappointed
Love shattered
Mercy compelled
Youth are vast constellation
Some shine yet a lot fell
Black sheep of family
Digging the grave to bury.
I had trouble reading this poem due to the flashing images, the two stanzas in the middle became a garbled mess in my head, even after multiple tries to retain the information over the blinking "teenagers" and "forever young."
In my humble opinion I think you are doing yourself a disservice by using gifs with poetry, I would just add a simple picture to let your poetry speak for itself, because you want the reader to get lost in your world without any distraction, so they can experience the feelings and emotions that you provide.
Your last two stanza are very good and I feel like I am missing out on how good this poem might be.
thank you for criticizing @gonzo :-) i'l put that in mind. simple and soulful presentation would be great though. i'l limit using gifs and be more cautious enough the way it looks with the presentation. i really appreciated your advice I know that i am still novice but i would like to develop myself through steemit. thank you! :-)
You are welcome :)
I am a mentor on chat and we try to help people maximize their potential. I see a lot of potential in you and would like to help you in any way I can. If you ever need any advice you can find us here:
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I also use mentors so I can learn to be better and I hope that I will see you there sometime :)
Bravo! Bravo!
Just need a melody and then Rock & Roll!
thank you! :-)))
I invite you to dance :-))
let's dance now @dimon14! groovin' :-))
I like it, diggin' deep :)
thank you :-)
Get off my lawns, you rock n roll hooligans! ;) I agree with @fyrstikken: some guitar and vocals with those lyrics and there's a rock song here :)
:-))) thank you.
Such a bleak poem.
yeah :-(
I have to agree with gonzo that the flashing images took away from the presentation. It made it exceedingly difficult to think about the poem as I read.
thank you @beginningtoend. i would be cautious enough for picking gifs next time :-)
I really think you captured the teenage feeling perfectly.
Followed you! You have a lot of very nice work. Sorry I missed your Dads birthday. 😄
lol! thank you @matthewiii :-)
Loved reading your poem about modern youth. Very astute obsevations.
Cheers
thank you @positivesteem :-)
Oh man it sent me back to teenager memory land, and I thought it would fit perfect as song lyrics too. The GIF situation is way too busy and distracting for trying to read though, I usually have to skip reading a full poem when I see so many animations in the post. Unless I can scroll and hide them enough to read without seeing it.
sorry for that @lunnettik. il be cautious enough for picking gifs next time. hmmmm.a song? sooner il make a music video of mine exclusively for steemit :-))) thank you