This week for critique class we have to offer a critique on a poem. I am choosing yours. Guy, the guy who runs the critique class told us that we should pick a poem we really enjoy for critique, because if we give our time to something we find worthwhile it is a lot better than critiquing something we could care less about. I really enjoyed your poem.

For me the poem was kind of broken into two sections the first being the section with the left-hand margin justification the second being the centered text. I really enjoyed the left justified portion and the enjambment before the word 'Sometimes'. For me it was creating a sort of braiding effect. But the second portion of the poem which is centered seemed to lose the effect, and I couldn't tell if this was done purposefully. I guess it could be seen as maybe a braid coming undone, because the rest of the poem from there kind of seems like it spreads out and takes many different directions. If this is the case though, I think maybe playing with some centering and then some left justification and then maybe even some right justification may have Illustrated this a little better.

Also you have the word I interspersed in lowercase and capitalized instances. For me, I was unsure of what effect you were trying to create, and therefore it was more of a distraction then if you would have left all the I capitalized. I think the piece itself is so strong and so many of the other techniques like enjambment were used so purposefully that the lowercase 'I' came across as kind of willy-nilly. Although, if the braid is indeed coming undone this could be a signifier of such.

I really liked what you did with repetition. Sometimes, being the most obvious worked for me as a transition and a way to weave. Also the use of no periods (for the left justified portion; until the final period of that portion) worked towards this transition effect as well. For me though the restrained repetition of the word cup and pink were the most powerful used. The symbolism inherent in both of those words translated well into forming imagery in my mind. The repetition drew my attention and allowed me to read a further depth into the symbolism.

I like the play on kisses and bites.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure what the second portion of the poem is saying, I enjoyed quite a bit of it, but there was also something that kind of confused me. I was unsure exactly what was being said. I think the reason for this is because the ending seemed a little abrupt. Especially because it uses the word jarring, like it was purposefully abrupt, and if so I didn't understand why it needed to be abrupt. Maybe it was like the split ends at the end of a braid.

I did like how you used the symbolism of the poet and words themselves in the second portion, but I was unsure as to what exactly you were saying about this. I did get the sense you were saying something about weaving words and creation, but for me the thought was somewhat incomplete.

Overall, I enjoyed this poem immensely. I think part of the charm is that I didn't fully understand it, and that I can return to it and read it over and over and glean little secrets every time. I do think the second half could be polished in a way that would make it more impactful, and would suggest you play around with editing it a bit to see if you can make it shine even more.

Great job. Thanks for such a beautiful piece of work.