Friday Afternoon (an original poem by @sumatranate).
Mind is melting,
Thoughts are tossing,
Focus failing,
Synapses stopping.
Eyes exhausted,
Head is heavy,
Fingers feeling fat and weary.
My motivation now is waning.
A few more hours till the end.
Image Source: https://pixabay.com/en/wheelbarrows-toys-children-toys-mud-3168626/
(This picture describes how I feel right now.)
I'm not usually a big fan of gerunds in poetry, but I think the short line lengths works with them here in this first stanza as it gives an added emphasis to the active and the actions.
Like the alliteration at the end of that second stanza, makes it feel a bit limerick-y which I think fits the subject well.
It may be short, but - at least in my experience - this captures my Friday afternoon after a long and difficult work week perfectly.
Plus, often the strongest poems are those that manage to say exactly what they need to say in as little words as possible. That feels like something that was accomplished here in this poem.
Thank you for sharing, Nate, and Happy Friday!
Hope you have a relaxing weekend, my friend.
Thanks for the kind words and encouragement. I have not studied poetry as much as I should have, but I find a lot of my thoughts flowing out in rhyme and alliteration lately.
Thanks for giving me a technical perspective on what I am doing. Sorry that my poetry is not more technical.
hey mate, no apologies necessary! You can always tell when people have a good ear for sound and music when they write poetry and find some of those 'technical' approaches by feel - says a lot about you as a writer.
Always happy to give you a more technical read, my friend, and no apologies necessary - I honestly wouldn't comment if I didn't enjoy the read. People who get bogged down in the technicalities often lose touch with how to relate to others in their writing - it's a gift, and I think you have it.
Then I am very glad that you comment. I have appreciated your thoughtfulness.
My work is very technical, but I have alway enjoyed creating songs. I guess I am giving both right and left brain a work out.
I feel sadness in this piece. Deep sadness.
I was a tough week, and there are a lot of things that my family and I have been dealing with. There is a dash of sadness and a dash of hope.
You managed to get me into that moment with using only a few words. Good job. I could picture a man being completely exhausted.
If this was from a personal experience, I do hope you are well now 💚
@zen-art, I was extremely exhausted yesterday. It has been a rough week but things are looking up. I am working on resting and re-energizing.
Thanks for the genuine concern. I appreciate it!
Certainly easy enough to understand how you were feeling when you wrote this poem. Your words speak to exhaustion both physically and mentally.
I was very tired and a bit down yesterday. But today has been a better done.
Thanks for stopping by and showing concern. Much appreciated!
Beautiful poem I fell small sadness in this poem...
I can definitely relate to this. I am so happy when Friday afternoon comes, even though I work from home. Still, getting away from the computer (for work-related tasks) is always a blessing!
Yes, it is. Have a blessed weekend!
Eh Yes dear friend apparently you're so tired that your post is too short this time but beautiful anyway. Rest well and come back to share your ideas as usual @sumatranate
I am glad that it is Friday. My work day is almost done.
So sorry that my post is too short. I will try to write more next time.
That's a nice way to describe how you feel on Friday.
@originalworks