Who am I?

At first the question seems rather absurd. One might even say “what do you mean who am I?” But if I persist and not let absurdity of the question deter me from asking myself, this question, things get rather interesting.

I might say, I am Vishnu. But I am not Vishnu, that is just my name, it is just a sign post indicating something. So who am I, well I might say, I am my body. But if I cut my hair I am still me, I don’t feel like I have lost a part of me. You might say, your hair is not you it belongs to you. But isn't that true of my hands and feet as well. If for some unfortunate reason I were to lose my hands. I would still be Vishnu, I wouldn’t be 3/4th Vishnu.

Now I am not left with many places to look for me, so I head straight for the head. Am I my brain. Well not really, it is possible for me to die and yet have my brain in physically perfect condition (at least for a short while). So then I must be the result of billions of neurons sending electrical signals through their synapses in synchronicity. If I am a result of that then Who am I? Since I can’t find myself through tangible things, I am forced to move on to more abstract concepts to find out.

At some level I think I am me because, I have continuity in thoughts and beliefs. So am I my thoughts and beliefs, well the answer again is no. Anyone with any experience in mindfulness meditation knows that, thoughts are a lot like optical illusions. When you try to look close enough to observe the present thought it disappears. Some other thought arises in a short while trying to trick you into believing that it is you but again if you observe the next thought it too disappears, just like the first thought.

Things get even more murky when one understands the nature of our divided brain and the effects of cutting the corpus callosum. The corpus callosum connects the left and right hemisphere and facilitates interhemispheric communication. In patients suffering from acute refractory epilepsy, the corpus callosum is surgically removed by a procedure called callosotomy. The left and the right hemispheres have very different functions and in a patient who has a divided brain it is possible to communicate with both the hemispheres. There have been recorded cases where the left hemisphere expresses a desire to be race car driver and the right hemisphere expresses a desire to be a fireman.

If I am a continuation of my thoughts and beliefs, then after a callosotomy where would I land. Am I my left hemisphere or my right hemisphere or will I disappear and be replaced by two imposters in my stead. But wait there is more, the thing is that there are no pain receptors in the brain. So it is quite common place in these procedures that the patient is not given general anaesthesia.

So one is usually conscious throughout the procedure and at no point do they feel that there is a discontinuity in their stream of consciousness or in their sense of "I". So at no point in time do they feel that, what they call “I” has changed, yet now 2 entities exist, one in the left hemisphere and one in the right hemisphere.

So who am I?

I don’t really know, I know who I am not but that still hasn’t clarified to me, Who I am.