If Wishes Were Ponies: The Fine Line Between a Dream and a Goal
When people share their positive vision of the future, it can be hard to tell if they are describing a wish or a goal. Especially when the same statement can be a dream for one, and a goal for another. But how can we tell which is which?
"I want a pony."
When coming from a 6-year-old, it's obviously a wish. Coming from a farmer purchasing livestock it is likely a statement of fact. So in this case we can evaluate the statement according to its source, and consider the individual's given ability to realize their desire.
That's easy, but it gets more complicated.
Pony? Screw that, I want a unicorn!
The Sentiment - Inspiration vs Motivation
Unfortunately, it's not always as clear cut as our previous example. We can be inspired by an idea, but even with the ability to realize the wish or dream, we need another crucial component: motivation. Without motivation, inspiration tends to stay just that - fertile ground for colourful dreams. Not that there's anything wrong with that. At times, it is the best choice.
For example, the farmer from our example might be inspired by neighbouring farms to offer riding lessons to children. While inspiration is great, the farmer might then understand that it is not a very wise financial investment, and he's not that great with kids either. This causes a lack of motivation, which leaves the pony purchase a sweet but inspiring dream for the farmer. He can do it, but it's not "worth it".
My dream is a world without motivational quotes
The Action - Dream On vs Plan
The main difference between a wish and goal is what we do with our desire. Given the perceived ability, inspiration and motivation, we can turn our dreams and wishes into executable plans. And with enough confidence and motivation, we can even follow through.
So perhaps the best indication of whether someone is describing a wish or sharing a goal is the presence of a plan to reach said goal, and possibly even some actions taken in the process.
Guiding questions
You might not guess it, but the person sharing their dreams and / or goals can't quite tell the difference either. Fortunately, you can help. By asking the other person guiding questions you can help them (and yourself) better characterize the desire in question. Sticking with our previous example, guiding questions can be: "Can you afford a pony?" and "Can you care for a pony for the rest of its life?" as well as "Have you assigned a stable for it yet?"
While this post speaks mostly of dreams and goals in interpersonal communication, these guiding questions are ones we can ask ourselves. Since I have no desire for a pony of my own, I can look at my desires and ask myself questions in order to determine my ability and motivation to create a plan and execute it.
Your Turn
How do you see the difference between a dream and a plan? How do you communicate it to others in order to make it clear?
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Note: All images from Pixabay unless otherwise indicated.
Is it a dream, or is it just fantasy - caught in a landslide no escape from reality - I look into a plastic basket and a damn Dik Dik traps me in it
Some people dream, some people plan....and others infest Dik Dik images
Clearly the dream is to have a small holding of Dik Dik you can use to charm @techslut to visiting 🤠
I love you for this comment. So hard.
I think I view it like this
“The desire of gold is not for gold. It is for the means of freedom and benefit.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
So, when someone wants to be "Famous" or "Rich" what they probably want is what they think is behind that. Like when someone looks for say, the Holy Grail, what they want is a psychological immortality - maybe an inner peace - when someone wants to make $100,000 investing in Crypto, they probably what they think having a lot of money will provide them - create freedom.
So they wish to a be a famous so-and-so but when faced with the work, the cold hard work, they fold - at they don't love the real freedom - the real holy grail - the real gold - the process.
The process is every breath, every moment, every step forward - the process is about the process - the wish is about projecting psychologically unto something hoping that it will fulfill you.
It is why I believe so many beliefs always end up saying something along the lines of "inner wisdom" or "self-esteem" as dating the cute boy won't change how you feel about yourself deep down, only on the surface - and that will fade unless you deal with the inner realm.
When you have self-esteem, when you a real self worth then dating the cute guy/gal is a lot more rewarding as they are no longer a prize, but an endless process - like a glass of water versus a river!
When you know that your wishes can be much more grounded, which spawns a plan, then that creates a platform to work hard, which brings you into the holy process of work.
But it's easier to wish:
And more dangerous!
I took that idea on a different path that you brought up orginally, but hey - were here to learn!
There was a pot running around facebook with some statistic saying something along the lines of: "X out of 10 people wished the learned to play a musical instrument as a child".
That's not true. What they wish is to know how to play a musical instrument without putting in the effort of learning.
Wow! Thank you for the reply! And the TED video! All I could do was nod. :)
omg that happens to me all the time.
Not with my biggest life goal thankfully, I'm pretty stubborn when it comes to that one, but with stuff like sports or learning something new or some personal art project XD
can't leave my blabbermouth shut and I excitedly have to tell peoplle about this great idea I had and then.... I never follow through XD
what an eye opener that Ted talk. haha
sorry @techslut that comment doesn't really pertain to your post at all anymore XP
forgive meee
It's all good! Discussions are awesome!
Sometimes though, as you've pointed out to me many times, a dream is a sort of fantasy. You want something, and maybe it's even something you have motivation to get, but asking for concrete plans to get there can pop that fantasy. And sometimes, even often, we just want to hold onto that fantasy without it being questioned.
This leaves us in a place of great uncertainty, and a sort of catch 22. We can't know if it's a dream or a goal without asking, but if it's a dream, the asking itself can harm it.
Sure, I wouldn't start bombarding that little girl with questions that would make her realize she can't have a pony. That's mean. But sometimes asking for a plan or even a better defined goal can help create it.
"Can you afford a pony" is not a good separator of dream versus goal, because a goal can have sub-goals. Furthermore, even if something is "a dream" because you don't think you'll ever achieve it, it's quite different from things you leave as non-goals because you choose to not fulfill them - it's different when an external reason stops you, and not one related to physically impossible things (unicorns et al).
As to how I think you can separate the two myself? I'm going to reference Immanuel Kant. He said, paraphrasing, that those who want something must also want the things required to make it true. And that's a good way to go about it.
The Israeli-Palestinian Peace Process and relationships are both good examples of this - far too many people want there to be peace, or to be in a relationship, without actually desiring the things that these things would require of them. So, they're dreaming, hoping. A goal has you willing to put in the work.
It's not a separator but rather a guiding question.
Exactly. Have a plan and execute it. Which is what this peace process remains a dream. No one really wants to plan or put in the work.
In the words of Hedwig and the Angry Inch: "You, Kant, always get what you want".
Ah, House M.D. I still have the series finale waiting for me to watch it, so hard to say goodbye...
And well, I think it's not a very good guiding question because it's neither a sufficient nor a necessary condition, is what I'm saying :3
It's one of the questions. Unfortunately, money is usually an issue with many dreams and wishes we have. We are not all whales. :)
Girl, have I got the perfect link for you.
My good friend @c0ff33a is pimping your page so I had to visit. LOL. Glad I did and followed.
Dreams I think are important even if lacking the motivation or means for fulfillment immediately. They can help to form and shape a life bent towards meeting goals on a path to realizing the dreams.
Oh that's so awesome! Thank you @c0ff33a !!!
Of course. But without a planned action, dreams tend to stay just that. Dreams. Pleasant thoughts.
Dreams are raw materials of thought whiles plans are the process of refining these raw materials to products and services for the good being. Thanks for that great inspirations.
based on what i read and my beliefs i would say in a sentence
Dream like a kid plan like an Adult
As for the question at the bottom of the post, i don't share my dreams and goals with others, maybe with 2-3 people and not because i am antisocial or hide things but i had read a couple of years ago that if you keep telling to others your dreams and goals then lose motivation and sounds like a common every day thing in your brain.
I I'm sure you will realize your dreams
Hey @techslut (and btw I love your name lol), for me there is a place for dreams and there is a place for plans. When they meet in the middle, it's a pretty damn magical time. However, that takes time, and often we must let our dreams be our dreams while committing to plans that may seem very far away from those dreams, but nonetheless, steps in the right direction.
I think the best way to work with dreams is to break a big dream down into a smaller dream. Small enough to be something that you can actually take tangible action on now. If you know how your dream is connected to your dream a month from now, or a year, or 5 years...then you will always have inspiration pulling you forward.
In the end, you've gotta get down to the specifics. There's a lot of information embedded within a dream, and in order to encode that inforomation, you gotta break down your dreams and deconstruct what they are made out of. This, in its truest essence, is what planning is IMO.
Awesome post here @techslut. Thanks so much for sharing!
PS: I write all about empowered psychology and would love to hear your thoughts on my recent post: Psychology Of The Future: The Power Of Going Meta
Wow, I never really put a line between the two, great perspective. I would personally see the differece based on my current situation. If I am dreaming about building a house...do I already own land. Most dreams seem to turn into goals when money is increased. So if there are dreams of buying land AND building a house...if the money is ready then it could turn into a goal. For me it is about not trying to get the cart before the horse. We have a saying here when we go out to cut firewood...it isn't your firewood until you get it home!
Every country has a saying like that. Don't count the chickens before they hatch, don't split the pelt of an unkilled bear... It's true.
Having land means you're taken action toward reaching your home. Next part - plan a budget for construction. Have a number in your hands. Work toward that. I think.