A negotiable self-truth

I always find it interesting listening to people I know very well speak about themselves to people that do not know them very well. There is often so much embellishment that the portrayal they give is so far removed from reality that there is almost no semblance left of the original story.

The next thing I find interesting is how they must come to terms with this gap between what they know and what they say to others. Some people are very, very good at ignoring the gap.

I wonder how it feels to say something about oneself that is far from the truth. Does it feel good when someone believes the story or does it feel bad to know that the reality of who one is and what one says they are is very different?

We have all likely padded our resume or made our job sound a little more exciting on a first date, and we have been able to justify our words due to the context involved. We have been able to say things like, it is expected to some degree, once I get the job I know I can learn, others do it, it is only a first date, nothing serious.

But is it serious when the lies get bigger and bigger and one's sales pitch is so divorced from reality one cannot even recognise themselves in the story? Perhaps this is just the new normal.

Social media is one place where it is likely that most people only post content that shows themselves in the best light. Each image is curated and filtered, each highlight broadcast and low events used to claim sympathy. It is an unreal reality. Like the scripted and edited 'reality' shows from TV. Online life becomes a cherry-picked persona.

This is of course natural as one must pick and choose what gets put on social platforms for a range of reasons. Friends will see it, employers may see it and most importantly, the poster will see it. It feels better to focus on the fun parts than the difficult.

But, this view can very quickly bleed into the walking world and colour words and actions there. Perhaps it is to maintain a consistent narrative across all areas so that the view can be managed more easily or is harder to be brought into question. Perhaps it is that one wants to 'live up to' the online persona rather than the real life person.

But, to do this one must be either narcissistic enough to not care or recognise the difference between the two or, be living in a constant state of fear of being 'caught out' for one of the lies. For those that recognise the difference, they must justify it well enough to continue the charade, perhaps for long enough until they start to believe it.

I have a member of my family like this. They can make up incredible stories to someone while I stand there and listen. They know full-well I know the lie yet, they are confident enough that I won't expose them. They are confident I think because they are family and I haven't in the past.

What is interesting with this person is however, they do not have any long-term friends as once the promises they make are discovered as impotent, all of the past stories come into question and many holes are exposed when timelines are matched up across known events. This means, the friends move on and the next target takes their place.

They are successful in what they do and have been able to talk their way into many relationships that have made them money at the expense of others. It is some kind of con. For this person, money and status are very important and outweigh any value in friendship. Once someone can not bring value, they are cut away as useless.

Perhaps this is the justification, their value on material wealth outweighs that of the relationships and therefore they can warrant treating people poorly as long as they get wealthier. These kinds of people are often viewed in society as leeches who suck value from others, cultural vampires.

Where might it lead for them though, can they maintain the internal lie also or are they actually being slowly torn apart? The member of my family is actually quite a bitter person and quite cruel in their humour but believe themselves to be witty. I think this is leakage as the internal disappointment at their own conflicts bleeds out and colours their words and actions.

I have noticed that the 'friends' are getting continually more material goods based than personality. Take away the shared hobby interests, and they would not associate with each other at all. Where does this lead in the long-run when there is no one to speak to that actually knows them?

I think this is a difficult future position as no matter how much money one has, friends are actually difficult to buy. Sure, there will be lots of other leeches crowding around, but actual friends will not be there. I think quite quickly, this would become quite a lonely experience.

Everyone has their own life to live of course and I am not here to pass judgement but, thinking about how others lead their lives helps me think about how I lead my own. Observing the lies of someone I know well and watching people lap it up reminds me of all of the times they have lied to me and all the times it has cost me in various ways and as a result, costs them in return as well.

At what point does one turn completely away from family?

Taraz
[ a Steem original ]