A life of bests and a fear of success

in #philosophy2 years ago (edited)

Are you a success? How do you know?

Once a month for work I must take a train to the company so, here I sit. I use the time the best I can to either listen to a podcast or more commonly, do as I am now and write for Steemit. It isn't actually just for Steemit of course, it is also for me and, for you.

What I have found through my writing is that it gives me a chance to slow down and think a little about life, my life, your lives and how they all intertwine. It gives me the opportunity to review my actions in the past, consider what I am doing now and make some plans for the future. It gives me a chance to sort through many of my issues.

A large part of my blog is dedicated to investigating and developing more useful ways to approach this life of ours as no matter whether we have, 20 or 120 years here, time is scarce. What helps me best utilise my own time on this planet, is helping others utilise theirs.

What I have noticed recently is something that I have come across many times before in my life, something that has held me back in many ways, I am scared to do well. I fear being singled out of the crowd for good performance. Interestingly, my fear of failure is less than my fear of success. As you can imagine, this sets up for some self-defeating processes in life. Does anyone else experience this?

I find through observation that for many, the more successful they get, the larger their ego becomes and the less they consider those around them. For me, I have somewhat of an opposite process where the more success, the more deflated my ego, self-critical of my work and the way I view others shift to think more of them. Perhaps this is because I am embarrassed or, perhaps this is because I have a general process that I do not take value unless I feel myself deserving of it.

It is interesting at Steemit is it not? Who is deserving? Is it the ones that bring the most money, generate the highest revenue, onboard the most people, advertise, offer good information, make people laugh, help them make more money, improve their lives? All of the above?

My approach to this life is relatively simple when it comes to competition: outwork everyone else. The reason I do it this way is for two-fold, I get to push myself to the limits and see what I am able to honestly do and secondly, everyone has the same opportunity to do the same. Yes, skills, starting positions, opportunity and luck vary but, everyone has the possibility to do their best. Me doing my best doesn't stop anyone else from doing theirs. And, it even gives me the chance to help them be better, there is no need for me to push them down.

My best at Steemit is not rated by the payout as even though I do relatively well, I am unlikely to be in the 300-1000 dollar post categories anytime soon, if ever. It is not even rated by the interaction under the post that is so valuable as even though it is you the reader I post for, to put too much weight on the audience means to change for the audience and that is a slippery slope, albeit, largely a lucrative one.

The evaluation of my content has to come from me as it is only I who can really know if what I put forward, is my best in that moment. It is hit and miss at times when viewed in the rearview mirror of hindsight but, I am largely happy with the content I produce and the unsatisfactory teaches me a lot. But, it does very little to get over my fear to succeed at what I do.

I think that this is why my approach is what it is in the content I write and as much as I dislike the idea of being one of the sheep, I do like to have people around me. Safety in numbers. But, that group need not be the average, it need not be those that think like me, act like me, believe the same thing as me, it can be completely diverse.

So I have realised that my approach to the fear of success is to be successful with as many people as possible, to support those that are looking to honestly and really improve themselves and help others to do the same as the larger the successful group, the more I blend in.

There are some highly talented people here at Steemit wasting their opportunity trying to optimise their effort/return ratios. Business is largely run on the same philosophy, offer as little as possible for the highest gain and it is a a soulless business indeed that reduces innovation and the benefits for the many. In business, it is not about being the best, it is about being better than others. In my opinion, unhealthy competition.

When people apply a return optimisation philosophy to their own interactions, it is unlikely to lead to where they want to be. I will only help when I get something in return, I will only give if I get, I will only love you, if you love me back equally, if not more. If you follow this path in human interaction, it leads to a purely transactional experience where nothing is done without return.

But, society and humanity is not a straight-line operation, it spirals and twists and one event here, has implications there. The transactions between are unforseen and largely unwitnessed by the catalysing move. To not give without getting is to stop the spiralling, stop the ripples, limit possibility. You may not agree, that is okay.

My success doesn't depend on agreement and is not broken by disagreement, it is personal to me. As is yours to you. Do not worry about the time spent for 'nothing', do not concern yourself with the successes of others. Do your best.

As to live a life of personal bests - what can be more successful than that? What is there to fear? What I love about my own opportunity at Steemit is that it has given me the chance to be better, offer more and help and support those who want to do the same.

Taraz
[ a Steemit original ]

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To be honest why do we even have a need to evaluate ourself as succesfull or not ?

We don't. The success is in the doing the best I can so it is an evaluation of behaviour and whether what I do is suitable for the environment. If one doesn't pay attention to action and consequence, habits form that limit adaptability to a changing world which essentially means a low situational intelligence. The success is inherent in being able to continue being able to move.

Thank you so much for your honest post this morning. I think you are right and I recognize a lot of what you wrote. You are not alone. Also a lot of women 'suffer' from the same feelings as you described. In the Netherlands, we have a saying: 'he who conquers himself is stronger than he who conquers a city'. It's all about losing your fear and make a step forward.

Well, my dear friend @tarazkp. Even when I fundamentally agree with you and your point of view about success on this post. I'm afraid, that this is a point of view to be seriously considered by young people more than anything.

And since I'm already an old fart who has already seen and swallowed a lot. I suspect that I must stick with my long hackneyed and deteriorated slogan a little bit more:

"Success Is Simply The Absence Of It"

Drawing Success

As to live a life of personal bests - what can be more successful than that?

I believe that this is called "Living the Dream", sir. There's nothing better than looking back at your life and recognizing all of your personal bests. We are all limited in life to do as much as we're physically and mentally capable of doing. That doesn't mean that we can't still appreciate our own personal best!

If everyone in the world stopped comparing themselves to others and started comparing themselves to their own self, the world could be a much happier and more productive place!!

I wanted to say I feel you, except for self sabotaging, except i suddenly realised just how much i do that 😆 i dont feel so much down when doing well, just increasingly terrified of "stuffing up" the next one with each favourable response i get for something just done.

Good that you've figured out a way over it, I'm still working on that ☺

Be where you feel comfortable in your own life & where you want to be. There is plenty of room at the top & bottom I have lived at both ends of the spectrum & feel more comfortable as a big fish in a small pond rather than a small fish in a big pond. We are all individuals & should set our own goals in life.

Superb one ! Truly motivational !!
100% agree with you " In business, it is not about being the best, it is about being better than others " !
Thank you so much for your effort @tarazkp !

Thank you.

Thanks for post, really like it. Also resteemed. I will try my best to be successful :)

I used to fear failure all my life. I think most of the people do the same. But i became successful only after i stopped fearing. I think definition of success is different as per everyone. Your definition of success is my motive of life. To help others be successful is my motive but, i think i am successful right now. Thanks to steemit 😃

Steemit not just helped me fulfill my writing dream, but also made me realize so many hidden aspects of myself. When we write, we realize many things about ourselves. Dont u think so? It helped me fight my fears and granted me success.

Writing helps us explore a lot I think. It gives the mind space and time without the rush of life to distract.

yeah !! That's a perfect explanation !!

Great post man very informative and interesting....

So much love to share,.. and Yes,... with the one who appriciate it everytime

Very informative and useful artical.
All your points about Steemit is really very true and helpful for us.
Steemit absolutely a huge platform for everyone who wants to achieve their goals.
You are doing a best work.
Thanks for sharing this.

"I fear being singled out of the crowd for good performance." I don't find this uncommon. I more or less want to fly under the radar most of the time, but that's because I don't like leading people. I can easily perform in front of a crowd of people (as a musician), I just don't like people following me.

Just there are those who naturally thrive in leadership roles, there have to be those who thrive privately. They have to, by necessity, both exist.