Taking Responsibility
I should start this blog by saying that I am not a particularly religious person, if it get's confusing in the following text.
I had the opportunity to see a lot of different people in the last few days, while we were inviting them to the wedding. One of the customs in our country is to hand-deliver all the invitations, and that can be a tedious task. I decided to make the most out of it, when I realized that we are going to meet a lot of people, who are complete opposites to us and each other.
One thing caught my attention right away, and that is the amount of time people spend complaining about their lives. It would go something like this:
5 min:
"We are inviting you to be our guests..."
"Oh, that's nice"
45 min:
"We have no money, the politics and the schools are terrible, the weather is so bad, that and that person died.."
(me nodding my head across the table, thinking "What should my hair look like for that day?")
I became aware of how much people love to complain, when I started reading about how you should try to monitor your own speech. The moment I realized how much I complain, I noticed it all around me. Complaining is deeply rooted in our society, and I think that the main reason for that is the feel of comfort people have if someone is equally miserable as they are in that moment.
It made sense to me that talking about something for a very long time, even years makes it true for you even if it really isn't. Our brain loves patterns and feels safe doing the same thing over and over again. That on the other hand is not always a good thing, because you can get stuck in some really bad habits.
Being a good nerd that I am, I tried to experiment on myself first. I started to listen to everything that came out of my mouth, and the most of it was pretty negative too. I complained about the weather, money, love, friends, family, health.. Well everything! But I think that complaining part wasn't even the worse, it was the guilt part.
First, not taking the responsibility for actions, blaming others or some higher being, or feeling guilty. Blaming others or someone on a higher plane (depends on your believes) was a shocking discovery for me. But it looked like it was wired somewhere deep in my brain that if something is not going right I ether drown in guilt or blame others.
Not much of a choice!
Decision making time!
Since I do everything that I do, and I make the choices I decided to stand by them. I made them, they are mine and when things don't work the way I planed (which is rare) I am the only one responsible. There is no guilt, I did my best. There is no blaming others, because it was all me. If I don't make it the first time, I will learn and do better the next time. I feel comfortable now when I don't dwell on the past, or complain about everything.
Did I try to tell others?
Yes! Not because I am right, but because it's a thing to try. But I had no luck so far with convincing people that there is another way. So, when someone does complain, blames others or themselves, I smile and nod my head. They will do what feels right to them.
What to you think? Do catch yourself complaining to much? Or do you take all the responsibility?
Be sure to leave me a comment!
With love,
Tamara
)
Lepo, veoma konstruktivno razmišljanje, Vaš text me je baš razdrmao i zbog toga ću se ozbiljno potruditi da prestanem da se žalim i gundjam. Želim svu sreću u budićem zajedničkom životu i lepu frizuru za taj svečani dan. Zoran.
E pa hvala, znaci ima nade da pokusa jos neko :)
Hvala i na podrsci i lepim zeljama!
I try not to complain much. Sometimes I even succeed in it :-)
I wish you the best of luck in your married life!
The important thing is to try!
Thank you so much!
Very introspective thinking.
Of course, I do complain a lot, but not without the reason. We are all surrounded with so many things worth complaining.
Anyway, your post is very good as usual. All the best!
Then try to make a difference between things you can and can't change, and at least don't complain about the things you can't :)
Thank you for your support @inka8
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Well, thank you :)
Today, on "Easter Monday" my husband and I went out for lunch with our families and we made a list of how the conversation would start, continued and end with like the commonest questions and conversations topics, and at the end, we could check off all the different topics that we had written down... it was kind of funny but also sad to see that it's just all about complaining and taking over different people...
It is interesting, and also you can learn a lot by closely watching other people..
I love your blog BTW, you have some serious makeup skills!
So true!!! for some reason, I love watching other people... because everyone is different and special in their own way, especially how they behave in public :)
Thank you for having a look at my blog too :)
interesting blogs and posting follow now have a nice day 😉
Thanks @angeltirado
The complaining doesn't seem to make people feel any better or solve anything.
My point exactly!
Thank you for stopping by!
This is a major issue in our society Dear Tamara and we all are in it together, lol. I am struggling with it myself, but I am working on it. Great article, everybody should read it XOXO
First of all, it was a pleasure meeting you, I must say!
Second, yes, we are all in it together, but I firmly believe that we can do better as a whole. We just have to be opened to change and learning. That's how I see it, any way :)
Thank you so much for reading, and leaving such a lovely comment!
I agree it starts with one's self. If we watch ourselves then we don.t have time to worry about others. When I get down on the world I just take a walk and take photos. You see the world differently through the lens. Don't you think? @zeitlini
