The phrase "coming out of the closest" invokes a wide range of emotions, from fear to freedom (and everything in between). Although the phrase is most commonly used to announce someone's hidden sexual preference, the term has a broader application.

Dictionary.com defines come out of the closest as:

To publicly announce a belief or preference that one has kept hidden, especially one's sexual preference (Source)

So as a heterosexual, married man who is a father of 5 kiddos, I feel confident in my sexual preference and identity, but I might need to come out of the closet with regards to my:

• political views
• religious worldview (or lack thereof)
• my parenting philosophy
• my investing strategies
• my deepest convictions that I know go against the grain of our culture and society

I need to come out of the closest. And to be perfectly honest, you do to!

Shame = #1 Reason People Do Not Come Out Of The Closet

Shame is a painful feeling that occurs when a person does something that is viewed as dishonorable by family, friends, tradition, culture, and/or society.

Shame and the fear of rejection prevents countless people from publicly announcing their hidden beliefs, views, and preferences. The feeling of shame reinforces the idea that the hidden should remain hidden. Shame creates an environment where people most face the most important (and challenging) life events with little or no support.

I remember a young man who I met while living overseas. In Indonesia, you are required to chose an officially recognized religion on your identity card. Most young people choose the religion of their parents. This young man had done the same.

The fasting month was being celebrated and the conversation with this young man took an interesting turn. He confessed that he did not believe in God (which was in opposition to his family's beliefs and the culture of Indonesia), and that he practiced outwardly the religious ceremonies of his family in order maintain a healthy lifestyle.

This young man was a closet atheist. He had no personal belief in God, but he realized that outwardly rejecting God would cost him the life he had always know. By opening rejecting the faith of his family, he most likely would loose everything. He was not ready to count the cost.

Shame won the day!

Creating Community As People Come Out Of The Closet

There has to be a distinction between loving and respecting a person and approving of his or her decisions, beliefs, and preferences.

There are many personal beliefs and preferences that I hold that are not supported by the majority of people in the United States or the world. And it is fair to say that many people who are reading this article today are making decisions today based on beliefs and convictions that I cannot support.

But I personally believe in reconciliation (a pursuit of harmonious and right relationships). For me this is an all inclusive pursuit - physical, emotional, and spiritual. Even though my desire is that all people find complete reconciliation, my life experience and my worldview have taught me that most people will not.

Most people will never reconcile:

• their broken relationships with family members and previous friends
• their hatred towards their enemies and the people who harmed them
• their purpose and meaning in life (a lot of people wander aimlessly)
• their mistakes of the past with their need to live in the present
• their hopes of a better future with the realities of today

But I am called to live life as a broken vessel with other broken vessels. I am called to invited people into my home home and into my life so that we can be community together. I must love those who are coming out of their closets, even when their beliefs and preferences are vastly different than my own.

Your Turn

Let's continue the conversation in the comments section.

1. Do up have a hidden belief or perference that you do not share with other people?
2. Does shame play a role in you not sharing about your belief or preference?
3. Can can people who have vastly different beliefs co-exist in the same community?
4. How do you interact with people who do not support your beliefs or preferences?

Thanks for stopping by!

@sumatranate

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Image Source: https://pixabay.com/en/closet-monastery-architecture-426388/