“Happiness is strange; it comes when you are not seeking it. When you are not making an effort to be happy, then unexpectedly, mysteriously, happiness is there, born of purity, of a loveliness of being.”
― Jiddu Krishnamurti
 

In Search of Truth
 

I remember the first time I studied the words of Krishnamurti vividly. Having grown up in a fundamentalist Christian environment, and feeling very isolated from that belief system, I drifted, in search of something else to inspire me. I drifted, first at the mental level, my thoughts trying to escape from the religious prison all around me. Eventually I drifted at the physical level also. In search of a truth to call my own.
 

Then I read the words of Krishnamurti that had a profound impact on me, to this very day. In his essay titled Truth Is a Pathless Land he wrote:

“To me there is no path to truth. Truth is not to be understood through any system, through any path. A path implies a goal, a static end, and therefore a conditioning of the mind and heart by that end, which necessarily demands discipline, control, and acquisitiveness. This discipline, this control becomes a burden. It robs you of freedom and conditions your action in daily life.”
 

The more I contemplated these words, the more I felt that the nature of truth, the nature of peace, was one of spontaneity. It arises in the moment. It is the moment. Search for it and it is always elsewhere. Seek it out and it remains elusive. But sit with what is, and she shines the light of wisdom and understanding upon you.
 

Being in the moment, without any expectations can reveal a treasure trove. It can be like hitting the jackpot. But we fear it. We should be doing, striving, goal setting, achieving. As a result of just being with what is, sure. Then one's actions become actions of power and principle. But when we seek for these things in the hope they will lead us to truth then our hearts grow despondent, unsure, confused.
 

 

From Cancer to Peace
 

Many years ago I was diagnosed with cancer. It was a frightening experience. So many emotions whirling around inside of me. But there was one thing I remember vividly, one memory that truly stands out to me to this day. For the whole time that I was dealing with this illness each day brought me many unknowns. Go to this doctor, visit that hospital, get these tests done. Waiting for results, hoping for clarity, seeking out certainty. None was forth coming, not for the longest time. Eventually I came to accept the randomness of my daily life as it was at that time in my life. And something happened. Despite my diagnoses, I never felt more alive than at that time, because each day forced me to just BE with what was. I had no other choice. It wasn't easy, it wasn't without it's varying emotions, but I felt those, and went with them. I let them lead me. I let the moment be what it was, more out of resignation, but it was a start.
 

Eventually I recovered, and moved on with my life. The daily grind returned. The 9-5 mundaneness came back, and I soon forgot how I felt alive, ironically from confronting death, once upon a time.
 

I often look back to those days, and try to remember, try to feel that way again. Often it's easy to do so, but not always. But Krishnamurti's words always inspire me, always invoke a memory, an assurance that feeling alive, even just for a moment, is possible. Because truth exists only in the moment.