It distracts from going into the shit and mud to figure things out.

I agree with you there, hence the 'but I do... but I don't.. but I do'.

Saying that I do wonder sometimes if all roads lead, not only to the same destination - but if we are always on the same road, somehow, just with different scenery. (such a poor illustration).

I'll try again...

I jumped out of academia at 17. Made my own way, lived my hedonistic life for 3 decades, before 'red pilling' (for want of a better word) My life events brought me to this place.

IF I had chose other routes - whatever they were, academic, professional, blah,blah...
I think arriving at 'red pill station', would have been around the same time.....
...if you see what mean..

...there, that's much better! lol