Children (and Everyone) Often Need Alternative Choices in Order to Correct Misbehavior

Do you have children and have a hard time getting them to stop doing something? Some things parents use to try to correct the behavior and motivate change is by using a scornful tone, or other direct punishments like a timeout or losing some form of privilege for a time, etc. Why does punishing often not work? Why do the children keep doing the same behavior?

We can all think back into our own childhoods -- and possibly even afterwards -- to recollect how we did something wrong and someone told us about it. Like a scornful parent that might've punished us, or maybe it was a friend or even a coworker or boss that told us about something wrong we were doing and may have even punished us for doing it in some way. Friends or coworkers can stop talking to us, and bosses can do minor punishment or penalties, and severe ones.

Yet even when we get reprimanded for doing a wrong or doing things wrong, incorrectly, improperly, we can persist in repeating the same behavior. With all the pressure to not do things wrong, why do we keep doing it? A recent study set out to answer why punishment can seemingly produce the opposite effect and keep someone engaging in the same behavior being punished.

To test out the scenario of someone continuing to do behavior that results in some form of punishment, they gave weak electric shocks to participants for going in one direction or the other when having to chose if a number was small than five (left) or greater than five (right). In another experiment the same was done, but this time there were two shocks: one weak shock and the other strong. They got shocked even if they were correct in either experiment. The point was to see if they were less willing to do the undesired behavior of going in one direction, which they tended to persist in doing despite the pain. It might not make sense to you how that relates to regular punishment yet, but hold on.

In the first test people tended to push the direction for the single weaker shot quickly. The experimenters thought this was due to heightened sensory arousal, to press the button more rapidly because they were afraid and wanted to get the pain over with. In the second test they expected people to go for the most pain then due this this theory that it could be from heightened arousal. But people tended to push the key rapidly like before only when there was the weaker shock, not for the stronger shock. If increased arousal was not the explanation, then why did people go to the pain more quickly in the first experiment?

It seems that punishment alone is not enough to suppress the behavior that is being punished. The punished behavior can even increase in frequency, so that the punishment has the opposite effect on curbing the behavior. What appears to be happening is that the brain (or mind) is using behavioral consequences to determine if an action is agreeable to be engaged in. The negative consequence to the behavior is known beforehand, it is acceptable, and the choice is made to repeat the behavior as desired -- despite those consequences.

Even if we know and unpleasant effect or consequence will follow from our causal action, we will keep doing it because that's what we have done and we know the outcome. The outcome -- although negative -- is acceptable to us in that situation, so we persist in our habits and keep doing what we do. The known is often more preferable to the unknown. As they say, we choose the devil we know. But the key to getting over habits or bad behavior, is an imagining or knowing an alternative choice to make.

When a child or an adult is locked into a certain behavioral pattern, into certain habits, they are going to stay stuck doing the same thing unless they understand another way of doing things. This is why for children, it's especially important to give feedback about their misbehavior along with an alternative better way of doing things so that they can understand why something is not desired.

Even for adults, this is a known way of overcoming habits. If you don't envision another way of doing something, then you can't very well choose to do something different and you will continue to do the same thing. So when trying to discipline or punishment child for some form of wrong behavior, there is always a requirement to explain the situation and have them understand why what they did is worse compared to an alternative that is better. This is how they will learn, and how we all keep learning later on in life as well.

Everyone can benefit from being pointed out clear alternatives to their problematic behavior. We often get stuck in habitual, automatic and unconsciously unaware behavior patterns. If we self-examine, analyze, introspect, reflect and contemplate on what we do and how it affects others in the short or long-term, we can better tackle many of the problems that befall our modern world. We can get out of being led by our unconscious or subconscious desires and motivations, and take back control of the chessboard of our kingdom of self with our conscious awareness and willpower.

Everything that is happening -- right or wrong -- is a result of our behavior, all of us. We are on one spaceship-earth and in the end we all bear some weight for what we allow to persist on this planet. We can change our behavior if we are willing to look at it honestly. :)

---

Thank you for your time and attention! I appreciate the knowledge reaching more people. Take care. Peace.