I See the World Through the Eyes of my Younger Self Again

I want to see the world through the eyes of a child again.

I remember back in the days when I had no worries, when I was just enjoying and feeling the present moment - laughing, crying, enjoying, playing. Now that I’m an adult, I became more focused on my responsibilities - work, make money, buy, make more money, buy more, repeat. I become more analytical as I see more problems coming in, and all these worries consumed me even more. Sometimes, I will just retire to my bed and reflect on how another day of my life seemed wasted. Life is what happens outside the four corners, outside this private little world I have created myself.

I like to have this childlike behavior again, because no one is really stopping me. I become so afraid that people will judge me for being irresponsible, but do I live for other people? I don’t live up to other’s expectations nor do they live up to mine, so I’ll just go out and live my life the way I want it this time. And smile as if it’s my last.

It’s time to go out and play.

I want to learn how to live more from the heart again, to connect, to smile and truly feel. To connect emotionally through play. It’s time to unplug and have more human connection, there are too many places to see and too many people to meet, but sadly, so little time. For the short duration of my life, I must learn how to make it count. I look at the news, the things happening around me, and everyday I get reminded of how short life is, but still many people continue to deny the reality. I have only this life to live, so if I live it to the fullest, then perhaps, once is really enough.

As I grow older, I look back and think how the best times of my life were when I was growing up. Playing sports, singing with friends, hiking in the mountains, spending time with family, my choices in life back then are of high quality. Now with technology, money and other distractions, it is more difficult to focus on the present moment.

What I miss about being a kid again is not having a care in the world, when I just naturally embrace the moment. I was more engaged, and had more heart-to-heart connection. My feelings back then were real, the cries and tears just easily passed. The next thing I knew, I was there laughing again, like nothing happened. I didn’t take life so seriously back then, it was easier to forgive and forget. I was innocent, and my mind was not tainted yet by all these stupid ideologies. I see all the other kids as equal, that they are out there just to play with me.

Now, I stay with bad feelings more. I tend to overthink, and I sometimes hold grudges. I can't help but focus more on negative thoughts. It’s not easy to just let things passed, as I feel the need to defend my ego more. I feel the need to be right all the time. What is more important these days? Be kind or the need to be right?

I see my fellow adults now, going in and out of the towering buildings, walking fast, going to work, then coming home feeling depleted. I see the emotionless faces everyday, bodies walking around like a swarm of insects. And people watching the reality of lives in other places from a distance, staying oblivious to the pain.

Lighten up and let go.

I need to stop controlling all the aspects in life so I can feel more free this time. I want to see the world through the eyes of a child again, to bring back a sense of play, to truly listen, to feel more connected and to live for the moment. Because the present moment is what really matters in the end.

The soul is healed by being with children. - Fyodor Dostoyevsky

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