As I sit at my computer shoving my face full of bean sprouts waiting for a student to arrive, I am contemplating the last few weeks. I got really stinking depressed you guys. It always feels so dumb after I finally feel better. I am like: oh THATS what that was about???
this photo turned out kind of gross, its a screenshot using my computer camera while i wait hahah but I just have to, because this photo marks the return of my humor, and the official end of this horrid bout of MEH:
Basically, i seem to get really depressed whenever my own vision for myself gets lost or confused. I really need to be creating, making, doing... most of the time. Or I get so weird! If I get sick , or if I start hanging out with friends too much, work piles up and I get behind.. if that goes on too long.. I just start getting so down. This time I really learned how important, I mean just super critical, a routine is for me.
Because once I started sleeping and eating better, I felt so much better
Why does it always seem so impossible to feel good when one is feeling bad. It just doesnt seem feasible that for example, eating vegetables and going on a run would do ANYTHING.
And it didnt at first. I started running every day and felt a little better, but still like crap.
I drank enough water, and still felt like crap.
But then I got a little more sleep. That felt better
I rearranged my entire bedroom and made my bed area into a beautiful peaceful sanctuary. That made me smile.
Then I ate vegetables not once, but TWICE IN ONE DAY.
I think all these things had to accumulate in order to bring change. And now today is like normal. I feel good. I have a positive outlook again. I feel like I can just DO stuff. I dont feel all wretched and lonely. Cool things are happening. My wheels are turning. My flow is flowing!
I think I am still maybe a teensy bit on the low side of energy still, but I just finally passed some critical threshold and do not feel like hiding in bed all day!
So if you are feeling bad, make sure your routines are back in order before you just totally give up on yourself!
None of those things are curing me totally.. but I just feel so many times better that I really learned my lesson. I have to get 8 hours of sleep most nights. I cant really drink very often. I sadly cannot live on bagels and pizza and burritos, even though I kind of wish i could. I have to exercise once a day , or once every other day.
I can go without some of these things some times. But if every day all i am doing is eating a bagel as my one main meal in a day, and laying in bed on my phone until 3 am .... DUH i am going to feel like shit.
Okay? I am not superhuman.
Unless I do all my healthy shit. Then I can do anything.
For example, I can take a goobery selfie that looks like a school photo: