This morning its grey and cool and raining and quiet. The way the light is helps me think. I was studying this morning for my licensure exam, making flashcards for myself about Piaget, Freud, Erikson, and listing one by one Anne Freud's Defense Mechanisms. My cup of coffee was just the perfect balance of strong, creamy, cinnamon.

If you read my past blogs you will remember that the way single parents support each other is often hit-or-miss, in the cracks of everything. Well this morning I got a text about how hard the mornings can be, just getting kids to school on time and having to be this nag person that nobody enjoys. Lately me and this other single mom have been texting each other about our boys, because the boys have been hanging out, and kind of are challenging us in the same ways. Underneath any aggravation is just this wish: we just want them to be okay, to succeed, to feel happy as they can. We want to help them become successful healthy adults. Any annoyance, anger, etc is often also some kind of frustration with our own limitations, our own inability to make everything ideal. I mean , who can ever do that? It's just a natural drive, for us to want that for our kids.

Anyway, after we texted for a few minutes, I went back to my studies. I was writing down another index card when this bird just started singing so happily outside the window. I know I talk a lot about when i hit my head but I have been thinking about it a lot because there were so many things learned, and I have been returning to those lessons, trying to get in contact with them again. Because I have forgotten a little. One thing that was extremely powerful for me during that time of sensory overload was birdsong. I had a period of time where i couldnt accurately tell what direction sounds were coming from. So when the birds sang, it sounded like it was inside of me, outside of me, all around me. I spent hours and hours laying in my bed, feeling so bored and depressed. But the birds kept me company. Birdsong is a call to the present moment. It is a reminder of abundance, because the animals don't have to go to jobs, and earn money and buy their food. They live outside, they exist, everything they need for their existence is in nature. I realize there is also the existance of predators and drought and so on. But for the most part, a bird's obligation is much different than ours.

Here is a quote I think of often, when I hear birdsong.

What are the animals’ propensities? To eat, drink, wander about and sleep. The thoughts, the minds of the animals are confined to these. They are captives in the bonds of these desires. Man becomes a prisoner and slave to them when his ultimate desire is no higher than his welfare in this world of the senses. Consider how difficult for man is the attainment of pleasures and happiness in this mortal world. How easy it is for the animal. Look upon the fields and flowers, prairies, streams, forests and mountains. The grazing animals, the birds of the air, the fishes neither toil nor undergo hardships; they sow not, nor are they concerned about the reaping; they have no anxiety about business or politics—no trouble or worry whatsoever. All the fields and grasses, all the meadows of fruits and grains, all the mountain slopes and streams of salubrious water belong to them. They do not labor for their livelihood and happiness because everything is provided and made possible for them. If the life of man be confined to this physical, material outlook, the animal’s life is a hundred times better, easier and more productive of comfort and contentment. The animal is nobler, more serene and confident because each hour is free from anxiety and worriment; but man, restless and dissatisfied, runs from morn till eve, sailing the seas, diving beneath them in submarines, flying aloft in airplanes, delving into the lowest strata of the earth to obtain his livelihood—all with the greatest difficulty, anxiety and unrest. Therefore, in this respect the animal is nobler, more serene, poised and confident. Consider the birds in the forest and jungle: how they build their nests high in the swaying treetops, build them with the utmost skill and beauty—swinging, rocking in the morning breezes, drinking the pure, sweet water, enjoying the most enchanting views as they fly here and there high overhead, singing joyously—all without labor, free from worry, care and forebodings. If man’s life be confined to the elemental, physical world of enjoyment, one lark is nobler, more admirable than all humanity because its livelihood is prepared, its condition complete, its accomplishment perfect and natural.
(‘Abdu’l-Bahá, The Promulgation of Universal Peace, p. 184-185)

Maya Angelou's beautiful metaphor

If you haven't ever read I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou, put it on your to-do list. I first read it when I was a teen, and while the story created empathy and perspective in me, and I even identified with some of it, I actually could not understand the meaning of the title until I was much older. Here is a quote by her that I feel explains it.

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”
― Maya Angelou, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

So another thing that bird song conjures up in me is this idea that we all have a song inside of us, and it should just come out. No bird sits around saying "I wonder if my song is any good." It just freely sings.

Bob Marley's Three Little Birds

That song is so simple and pure and real and right. So i put that song on just before I wrote this post. You should go listen to it! Cuz every little thing, is gonna be alright! Another great message from the birds.

And so that is why I am thankful for this little sparrow today

I couldnt get a good picture of him because he saw me and was getting nervous, so I snapped a quick one through the window. If you look closely , he is on the broken trellis (thats my Wisteria and Grape vines! They are beautiful in the summer but I need a new trellis for them it finally bit the dust this year) , and it looks like the horse in the windowsill is looking at him.

I have to get working again, but I would love more metaphors and thoughts in the comments if you want. I could think about this all day. I might even make another post later.

xo