Sometimes You don't Need to Change: Learning to Embrace Yourself

I see all sorts of products, systems, gurus, ideologies, and services that offer a way to improve our lives by changing us. These things might make us feel a little better but I believe that they largely prey on our insecurities. They sell us the idea that we are not good enough or that we "need" to change in order to be happy. Contentment and satisfaction are bad for business. It is hard to sway happy people into buying a self-help book. Contented individuals usually don't join cults. The idea that we "need" to change is often used as a means of exploitation and the antidote to is learning to accept the self for what it is.

It doesn't matter what the "product" is, the belief that we are not good enough can be leveraged to peddle it to us. "If you buy my book, you will lose weight." "If you join my army, you will learn some discipline." "If you donate money to me, you will be a 'good person'." These types of things all poke at the the idea that we "need" to improve ourselves. They lure people in to doing things that may not be in their best interest with the promises of self-betterment. Despite what we are told, books don't guarantee weight loss but buying them does guarantee money in the pocket of the seller. Joining the military doesn't guarantee discipline but it does mean more soldiers for the government to send off to war. Donating money does not insure the goodness of a persons character. The pattern is clear. There are a number of industries that prey on people who think they "need" to change themselves and they can be highly exploitative.

The way to stop this type of exploitation is to learn to accept ourselves for what we are. This sounds easier than it is but it can be done. We all want to be happy but we will not be happy all of the time and anyone who says we can is trying to sell us something. We all want to be successful but everything we do will not be a success and anyone who says it will is trying to sell us something. We all want to do the right things but we are flawed creatures and anyone who says that that they can change that is trying to sell us something. The secret to accepting the self isn't acknowledging the things that we are good at. We can learn to love our strengths and we celebrate our talents with ease. It is the flaws that are hard to embrace but they are a part of us too. If we constantly try to run from them, hide from them, or fight them, we cannot be at peace with ourselves. We must accept them as the parts of us that they are. They are not our enemies that need to be rooted out and slain. They are our left eye and our little toe. We can not lose them without subtracting from the whole.

Embracing the self and its flaws is not the exciting answer people might want but it is an effective one. It would be nice to say that there is something that can wipe away our problems. No one would object to some magic wand that turned us all in to ideal beings. Sadly, no such things exist and if they did, they would probably come with horrible consequences (imagine how bland life would be if everyone was perfect). We are the product of our problems. Our flaws are just as important to who we are as anything else. Our failures shape us as much as our successes. We can approach that truth in two ways. We can try to run from it and fall victim to the to those who would exploit that struggle or we can make peace with those negative parts of our characters and live with them. When we learn to love those things, we learn to love ourselves. When we can be happy with our flaws, we are happier in our daily lives. Those are the results most people seek, they just are found on a less romantic path than most people would hope for.

This does not mean that we cannot try to improve ourselves. If someone wants to lose weight it is fine to buy a book on the subject as long as it is done out of the desire to change and not a perceived "need" for change. Joining the military is okay if one wants to join . Donating to a religion is not a problem if a person feels like that really is a good thing to do. The difference is that these actions are not born out of insecurities about the self. If we learn to embrace ourselves, there is nothing left to exploit. In short, we find a greater sense of satisfaction with our lives, we shield ourselves from people who would exploit us, and when we do decide to change, it is done for the right reasons.

Peace.

All the images in this post are sourced from the free image website, unsplash.com.