From what I read you have given up on institutional Christianity (man made religion) but not Christ? There's more of us out there then you know. Keep seeking, be encouraged. I would say, being ordained into the call for 15 years and 31 years of being radically born-again, there's a real mess to sort through--if we are honest. About 2 decades ago I came to similar conclusions. I'm learning liberty is wrapped up in simplicity. Loving Christ and loving people is powerful truth. Though simple, this is a very big statement because we have to ask the question, "what does that look like" with authenticity. It will cost us everything: ego, reputation, fame, popularity, being understood, family, etc.

I believe Paul said it best, "Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ." Phil. 3:8. Love will cost us everything BUT knowing the eternal Purpose (being conformed into the image of Christ--becoming love) and having an eternal relationship with Christ far outweighs these momentary light afflictions in this life. Living the reality of the Kingdom of God.

Thanks for your honesty my friend. The Spirit of truth will lead us into all truth. One last encouragement, as it was shown to me by the Heavenly Father, in the middle of our logic, rationalization we cannot circumvent faith. They should be married, the two wings of an eagle that soars. Blessings!