i ♥ Philippines - Courtship in the Past

Hello Steemit Fretz!

Welcome to my Philippines Series, where you’ll get to understand and learn more about Filipino cultures and beliefs and our way of living and how proud I am to be a Filipino. You get to understand better “Why It’s more Fun in the Philippines.”

Since it is the February is the love month I’m going to share with you the traditional way of courting. This is how to catch a girl’s heart the old conventional way. This tradition isn’t followed now but I still remember this because my mama and papa has mentioned this to me and told me about how courtship was practiced way, way back during their generation. It’s also taught in our history classes as well.

Traditional Filipino Courtship

 

Back in the days, courting a woman based on Filipino tradition gives value of pursuing the woman including her family. There are certain rules that the society has set on how to pursue a lady. Such practice had been practiced back in the Spanish era.

Men are prohibited to show aggressiveness or being too forward on their lady love. He is not allowed to directly approach the lady in public and he is not allowed to go and talk to her without a chaperone. If a young lad is interested with a girl, he should ask the assistance of a common friend, to ask the lady’s father for his permission if he is allowed to visit the lady’s house.

Wooing the Family

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Once the suitor has been given approval, he can come to the lady’s house with the common friend, who will be the person who’ll introduce the guy to the family. The mother and father will then introduce their daughter to her suitor.

During this stage, the suitor is expected to bring gifts or “pasalubong” for the family and a very special present for his lady love. He has to do this every time he visits. Courting a lady means courting the whole family.

The two are never allowed to be left alone while getting to know each other. It’s an informal chatting and the get to know stage. The suitor will also talk to the family and he will then mention his intension of pursuing their daughter.

During the courtship women are not allowed to show their feelings towards their suitors. They are required to play-hard-to-get and men always go through a long process of courtship before he gets to date and marry his lady love.

Paninilbihan (Servitude)

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After the first visit, the suitor is then expected to show his love for the lady. He can do this by regularly visiting her house and get closer to the family.

“Paninilbihan” this is a custom done during courtship. This is when the guy shows to the family that he is capable and responsible enough to be the lady’s future husband (yes, my fretz, courtship in the early days, means marrying that person and loving that person for keeps).

He then performs different household chores. The most iconic is chopping firewood and fetching water.

Harana (Serenade)

 

Harana by Filipino Artist Araullo S. Mendejar

One thing that should also woo her lady love is through singing a love song. The guy then performs by the window of the lady’s house and bringing with him his friends as back up.

Never fret, for those who aren’t that gifted with a singing voice, the suitor can ask his friends for help to sing for him or for those who have higher status can hire a band to do the Harana for him. The guy will know that the lady is also willing to be courted if she opens the window while they’re doing the harana. The suitor and his friends are then invited over the house for refreshments.

Courtship Today

It’s quite different from what our ancestors used to do. Today, women are more vocal and open-minded to show their feelings towards the one they like. Girls can now date in public without a chaperone.

The family’s impression of the partner is still at place but the process of gaining their trust and winning their hearts is no longer limited to doing household chores.

Although there is still a slight presence of those traditions, suitors today don’t have to go through the long ardor process of courtship. Guys are also not expected to be the groom once the relationship has started. As forward as I might say it, guys are no longer tied as groom-to-be once in the relationship and women don’t have to date one man before marriage. Everyone can now explore and date and get to know each other before marriage.

Hope you have a happy ♥ day my fretz!

♥

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Thumbnail is from Giphy