the level of your thinking is very admirable and i think many people dont reach that level of introspection (i cant explain) literally and figuratively i think. you should think about trying lsd maybe.. you know you can buy with crypto online and they will send anywhere in the world. i think to expand your mind is something on the same level of thought as you. and might get you closer to what your trying to find. i dont know and again i dont knw the law in your country. but the websites will send anyway..

you know life is a movie.. the more i live the more i see this. and the secret is no-one knows what is going on. but there is clear reactions like a stone thrown in a puddle..