The Path of the Bastard Beckons.

in #personal4 years ago


source

And that is one reason why I do not post any more.

There is a real possibility that pessimism will derail and darken my already dreary topic choice inclinations.

Its proving to be a bad year for me - and the last thing that I wish to do is leave a trail of the train wreck - and yet here I am. I doubt that posts like these are why followers have followed me - but all I can currently do is try not to let it out. Today I fail. Again.

This began almost 6 months ago culminating in free fall a couple months in. The perpetual failure finally got to me. A sense of worthlessness took hold. A feeling of anger has been growing, as well as a generic resentment.

Thus-far all the potential that I thought that I had has been squandered.It has come to nothing. This is the epicenter of my resentment, as is the apparent hopelessness of my situation - even though I believe such to be an ill-illusion. Even so - it does press down.

A part of me today wishes to lash out, to release the pain within upon an undefined source of oppression. This I know to be far from ideal - and whats more such is a new feeling.

The worst part is that all these months of trying to rationalize my "suffering" have been pointing to a solution that may not appeal to me but makes rational sense.

That one needs to be an unrepentant bastard to get ahead in this life...

That the way to avoid being a tool is to make tools of others...

That only the powerful, those who do both the aforementioned and more, gain any modicum of real respect in life.

Something that anything that I've ever been hasn't garnered any consequential amount of thus-far.

I am anything but thrilled... May I yet forge another path...

Sort:  

I know how you feel as I tend to have very similar feelings.
You are not alone in this .

Today I re-watched the 25 part video: https://thegreateststorynevertold.tv/Video_Files/640x360Mp4/TGSNTtvPart01.mp4 about the life of Adolf Hitler.

At first sight this may seem irrelevant to our current dilemma, but I once again realised that it indeed points directly to the very core and heart of the feeling of great (but only vaguely definable) loss we experience today.

At least I found some comfort in the reminder that we indeed (albeit unknowingly)lost WW2 and the psychological consequences of that have take an enormous toll on us.

At this point I don't see how we can extradite ourselves from this situation as it appears we have been completely surrounded on every front by our eternal enemy, who's name we may not mention for fear of retribution.

We must however remember who we are(which is what they are trying to make us forget). As long as we can do that they can never annihilate us completely, and where there's life there's always hope.

AHHHH my friend Pathforger!

I saw you voting, I know you are there! You have nothing current to upvote, but I recall our wonderful conversations! You are meaningful to me!

I wonder if you found another path, I pray for you to find the narrow path, which leads to true contentment. I wonder about your goals, about your stuggles. None of which is any of my business, but I do so wonder about you!

Love and Light my friend, I am sending Love and Light through the ether to you!

Thank you for your kind words ecoinstant and for sparing a thought.

Fortunately I'm not a bastard quite yet. ^_~

That is truly good to hear! I have trouble keeping up, I follow enough people now that my feed is good for finding a great read but useless for keeping up with old friends.

How have you been? How does the weather fare on your side of the blue ocean?

This is true. :c)

The weather has been hot and mostly sunny. We've gained a little bit of respite however with some clouds and a lukewarm breeze.

It is hoped that you are well.

You got a plankton sized upvote from @worksinsane because your post appeared in the We Curate quality post search tool. It is a web art thingy thing that searches posts which fulfill predetermined rules. Upvoting isn't automated, @worksinsane reads posts before upvoting.

For more information read the latest post: https://steemit.com/wecurate/@worksinsane/we-curate-5

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