"It is easier to build strong children, than to repair broken men." (Frederick Douglass)
Yesterday I was in a store, and saw the sweetest thing. A father held a wrapped infant in his arms, while he ran as quickly (and safely) as he could from a toddler who was on his tail!
They were laughing hysterically. Just running round and round and round and round... til even I got dizzy. This is how he entertained his kiddos, while Mom shopped.
Somehow, I fell into a game of hide and seek with them.
Later, I felt their Mom watching us.
I smiled, looked into her eyes, and tried to optically say:
"I just couldn't resist the spectacle of love and joy that your family was making!"
I think she understood. 💗
I knowtice that children run freely and laugh wildly here in Mexico. I've never once seen happiness hushed. Quite the opposite. It is heralded, trumpeted, danced, celebrated. Expected. It is the norm. In the midst of whatever trials and troubles a person may be facing, there is likely a peaceful smile to still be seen on that face. And maybe that's because it wasn't sanitized and disciplined off their face when they were children. Peaceful Parents, what you have committed to IS EVERYTHING. Thank you. Keep going. And showing. 🦋
Following is a related comment I made on a Facebook post by Dayna Martin earlier today. She is a pioneer voice in peaceful parenting and radical unschooling. She said something powerful about having accepted the fact that part of her work will and does trigger people, and stir their density. She learned to not take any of the negativity personally that is sometimes directed towards her for standing strong in her parental truth. I was really touched by what she said:
As someone who was raised and instilled with authority and obedience (both from Church and school, and reinforced at home), I was definitely -- deeply -- triggered when I saw the episode of "Wife Swap" that featured you.
I was stunned and shocked to see 'free children.' It, literally, scrambled my brain. For YEARS. I don't have children, so it may have taken me longer to fully appreciate the meaningfulness and necessity of parenting peacefully, and in a way that honors the inherent dignity of all human life, regardless of age -- whether speechless infant, hormonal adolescent, or increasingly dependent elder...
All are born with innate dignity. But in traditional, modern societies, not-yet-adults are still treated like a sheet of pre-owned paper that is heavily written upon with the projections, expectations, and orders of others. Not-yet-adults are seldom given the freedom and space to EMERGE as the core-person they truly are.
(I think this is why midlife crises happen... where, after 40+ years of self-repression, and doing the bidding of everyone else, many personas finally crack and split. Unravel. It looks destructive from the outside, but is really a rebirthing. I now understand that, having come out the other side of my own midlife crisis. And my hunch is that children who were not written upon, but were granted their right to be who/what they ARE, will have no need of such a crisis at midlife, or any other time. They may face other kinds of challenges, but they will have no false identity to shatter.)
Over several years, I've come to knowtice that the things that trigger me, also hold my greatest learning opportunity. As Joseph Campbell said, "The cave you fear to enter, holds the treasure you seek."
So I entered the cave of free children. I observed the stark contrast between their upbringing, and the typical authoritative one. And it has drastically enriched and deepened my overall understanding of human freedom. My friendships with free children continue to do that, in ways I never would have thought possible.
I totally agree with you here. And as I see my life going in the direction of helping 'adults' to unblock themselves, I can't help but think that not doing all of this damage in the first place would be a lot more effortless 😂
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Wow, what an incredible post. I too have seen children who had been raised with their uniqueness cultivated and nurtured, instead of being stuffed down behind the idea of the discipline needed to get a job someday. As is life could be reduced to nothing more than the preparation to someday serve another's wealth creation with your labor!
Anyway, I don't have kids, but I can still appreciate good parenting. That's for the entire village.
I agree with the fact the way people are raised is probably the most important factor for having a well balanced life. The scars from suffering bad experiences in our early years can manifest themselves one way or another later in life. Doing a good job since the beginning just makes everything easier for everyone.
Right there with you.
My parents were great people, each in their own right, but they passed along the failed parenting models that had been inflicted upon them, which pretty much directly led to my not having kids at all. Frankly, I didn't want to inflict my family on them.